Confessions of a Counselor Part 3

Confessions of a Counselor Part 3

Confessions of a Counselor Part 3

How aware are you of your self-talk and the words you use with yourself and others? 

It’s time again to share another hidden treasure of therapy, which at first can seem really annoying, but over time becomes a tremendous asset. That hidden treasure: awareness of the actual words you use with yourself and others. What do I mean? Well let’s take a quick inventory. I want you to stop, slow down…. and listen to what is going on in your mind right now. Do you notice these words: must, have to, got to, should have. Those are cue words. Those words are pressuring and usually a solid sign that your self-talk has switched into a critical nature. If you are in therapy with us and you have chosen to use parts of self as your lens for the work, the words listed above are signs your critical parent is in the driver’s seat, which is not where we want that part of self in the car.

Again – stop, slow down, and take notice of the words you are using with others. Are you noticing those, have to, should have, need to, and got to’s? This is typically a sign that you are triggered and maybe feeling that you are not good enough, you didn’t do enough, or feel a loss of control. When those feelings rise up, we tend to grasp at controlling those around us. Yikes…

So, why are we talking about this? Well, one of the benefits and early annoyances in therapy is that not only are you generally growing in awareness of how you behave, but also the words that are running around your mind. Now, more than ever, you’ll be cognizant of the verbiage you use to communicate with others. This is important because sometimes we are unaware of how our self-talk switches through the day. Becoming aware of those words you use with yourself is imperative to the therapeutic journey because it is in those moments of catching the self-talk changing that you can check-in and ask, “what just happened?”. Otherwise, you simply go on the ride of how your mind always operated before you began therapy.

When you are able to stop and ask the above question it now gives you the opportunity to see what may have triggered you or bothered you. This is amazing because now you can take back the power and control over your thoughts and reactions. You can really begin the process of change!

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