This is the second in a series on the topic.  Return to the first post here…

Once we are aware that perhaps we don’t love ourselves as well as we would like, we may be inspired to launch some sort of campaign to address the issue.  What does it take to do that successfully?  We’ve already discerned that good intentions don’t get us far.  Detailed plans and schedules never last.  I believe there are two foundational pieces that must be in place for transformation to occur in this area.

First, we must recognize our need for an “other” on the journey.  We cannot do this transformation process alone.  This may be a highly uncomfortable truth to accept.  Think about it…if we are struggling to love ourselves, how can we possibly trust that anyone else would love us enough to walk this difficult journey with us?  Oh, the irony!  Yet – we need to face this challenge head on.  We cannot see the forest for the trees.  We require an “other” to provide an objective mirror to our processing, one who can hold with stability – all the emotions, history, pain and turmoil that will be unearthed as we dig in to whatever blocks the love of self.  A counselor is an obvious choice but some of us are blessed with people in our lives who can play this role.  It’s a rare commodity though because this “other” cannot have any potential consequences to your transformation (if they are to be objective), so keep that in mind when you choose your wilderness guide.

Second, we must have a realistic recognition of our present limitations.  Remember those indicators we discussed last time that would help us determine if there is a problem?  Well – those very indicators typically correlate well with an overfull life.  One which has little room for the transformative process that is so desperately needed.  Thus, we and our guide will have to formulate a pacing and process that honors our present reality and its attendant limitations.  This may mean that the process is painfully slow but slow and steady wins the race.  You may need to establish the most basic of self care efforts to begin.  You may only be able to attend therapy twice a month, or even once a month.  You may be unable to make any meaningful changes in your life until you first work through the inner turmoil.  Sometimes, the chaos in our lives requires some sort of jump start if we are ever going to turn the ship around.  This is where a therapeutic retreat may be the answer.  There is no substitute for completely disconnecting from our worlds for a period of time to focus on the healing that benefits not only ourselves, but those in our world.

Regardless of the road you take, these two cornerstones must be in place and then the work begins.  A little window into what that work entails will be our next discussion.