Our health privacy

September 5, 2023 by Andrea

What does corporate use of consumer data have to do with therapy?

How do I make sense of how my personal data is being bought and sold in the world wide web marketplace?

What does all that have to do with counseling?

Phenix is about holistic health – working with you to address mental and emotional health while connecting that journey to your body and spirit. Every now and then, a “random” issue comes along that intersects with our work. For example, we posted last week on the approaching hurricane, not because we are weather experts but because we see the mental and emotional health dynamics associated with storms. Today’s post on data privacy may seem outside the scope of mental health content but hang with us…it does intersect and it does matter.

Our clients are aware that we use an electronic health record (EHR) platform called Simple Practice. Not only are health care providers strongly encouraged to use an EHR (required if they accept Medicare/Medicaid funds), but as a telehealth practice, an EHR is a basic necessity. One of the principles we have adhered to since founding is to utilize tools and solutions which honor the privacy protections of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA). That said, HIPAA standards represent the minimum level of care. As therapists, we operate at a much higher ethical standard based on our role as stewards of our client’s information. Our clients trust us to protect their vulnerability as much as possible and we take that responsibility seriously. With those values, recent developments are causing concerns that we want to share with those who invest in their health through therapy (whether our client or not).

On August 2nd, our EHR provider released a new terms of service document which aggressively required signature within two weeks to retain access to all of our client care information. This was the first red flag to indicate that clearly, this company does not understand the legal access requirements for medical records. Most of us pay little attention any more to the terms of service agreements that we all “click the box” for nearly every day. We’ve all probably joked about possibly signing over our first born without knowing it…The thing is, terms of service are fairly standard for general tech companies but healthcare companies must operate very differently. Some clinicians were tipped off by the inappropriate presentation and started reading the new terms of service. Within days, a firestorm erupted with clinicians raising concerns in multiple online communities. The new terms claimed rights to user data which did not sensibly align with what should be needed just to provide the service we are paying for, and clinicians weren’t having it! This resulted in the company backpedaling slightly…extending the deadline for agreement and entering into the compliance review process they should have completed before setting up the terms. The easy answer would seem to be – just find a new provider. Unfortunately, the problem is bigger than this one company…

In the past decade, a quiet war has been unfolding in technology. Capitalists long ago discovered the profit in monetizing data. Most of the technology tools we use today are based on this practice of offering a ‘free’ service, (social media, email, web search, cloud storage, etc.) in exchange for access to data that can be aggregated and sold to the highest bidder. This purchased data allows businesses to target us with advertising and offers, personalized to what we are searching for/interested in. Investors have found more and more spaces and creative ways to entice us to hand over data they can monetize. About ten years ago, venture capitalists discovered the health care industry as an unmonetized space and started moving in. Technology companies started offering online therapy way before COVID made it popular knowing that it allowed them to set up systems which could collect valuable data. These companies were launched and run by investors with zero healthcare experience. The problem is, monetizing healthcare data is illegal, resulting in over 7 million dollars in fines against one of them, for example. For a company raking in over a billion dollars annually (2022) though, that fine is simply the price of doing business. So the quiet war behind the scenes wages as tech experts launch healthcare companies daily with nary a clinician in their leadership hierarchy, leaving them out of touch with the ethical rules clinicians must follow. Therapists and medical providers have been sounding the alarm for years but the millions of dollars these companies have available to control the narrative and pay the fines is almost impossible to beat. What that means is that it is extremely difficult to find the technology tools we need, set up with full understanding of healthcare ethics and even healthcare law.

Trust and transparency is the foundation of the therapeutic alliance. What our service providers do with our client data (even when it is ‘deidentified’) matters to us. We see our role of stewarding client data as a sacred trust. While it may seem hopeless to expect today’s environment of corporate greed to prioritize privacy over profit, we have a responsibility to keep fighting. What that looks like for us is participation in the collective pushback on our EHR provider to: practice the Safe Harbor Method in deidentifying data, legally commit to respecting the intellectual property rights of clinicians who customize EHR features, as well as to disclose the client portal access terms of service, how data is used for AI training, and what exact information is being sold to exactly what companies. Electronic Health Record software is not a free service. As a small practice, we pay over two thousand dollars a year, so imagine what more than 170,000 clinicians are paying (estimate of customer base for our current company)! Selling user data is not a necessary component of their profit strategy.

Additionally, we are taking the time to explore the alternatives. This is labor intensive and exhausting but necessary. We will look for tech companies run by clinicians, and who provide the ethical parameters our clients deserve. We have been strategic from the start in how we structured our processes. Our EHR happens to be a comprehensive practice management platform as well, capable of handling every technological need but we have never used it in that way. We use separate platforms for payment, messaging, video-meeting, etc. for two reasons: 1) We are not at the mercy of one platform if it shuts down for some reason, containing every tool we need to serve our clients and 2) Our client’s information can never be accessed in one complete package. While the companies who serve the healthcare industry have the greatest access to tech tools of confidentiality, perfection does not exist in this world and so we have structured things accordingly even before this latest concern. Moving forward, we will keep you updated every step of the way so that you have clarity about how your records are stored, accessed and managed.

Filed Under: Mental Health Tagged With: Boundaries, Business, Corporate Culture, Counseling, Leadership, Psychotherapy, Telehealth, Teletherapy, Therapy

Living on the other side

August 2, 2022 by Andrea

Wondering what it takes to actually live the life you’ve dreamed of?

What do you need to know before you take the leap into living your life differently?

The promised land, where your new story begins…

I have written here about the general arc of therapy we follow. We have offered tips for maximizing each stage of therapy and we have written specifically about Phase Two – the grieving process. Today, I want to write about the final phase of therapy – activating the true self you have discovered and walking in your new story.

I have referred to the grieving phase as “the land between”, but embarking on this final phase of therapy is also a transitional season in a different way: A twilight zone between what you have deconstructed and completion of what you are constructing. Anyone who has had a house built understands that it is a PROCESS! One of fits and starts…which may find you living in temporary digs until the new house is ready. Despite the best blueprints, some things just can’t be understood until you see the pieces in place and you may realize, that’s not what I thought it would be. Back to the drawing board you go to choose a different faucet or refrigerator. The whole thing takes time with all sorts of surprise obstacles, but perseverance leaves you with the home of your dreams.

Moving from one house to another always illuminates your possessions in a fresh way, causing you to question why on earth you’ve kept certain things all these years. Some beloved objects have to be released because they simply will not function or fit in the new home. If you are living in temporary quarters, you are surrounded by the chaos of missing vital belongings that are in storage and not being able to permanently settle what you were able to keep with you. Likewise, here are the discomforts that come with leaving behind the life you deconstructed:

Most of the relationships you had before therapy were chosen from the adaptive self you are shedding. Hanging out with friends will often leave you wondering why on earth you tolerated the behaviors, talk and ways of thinking that you now see with clearer eyes. You may find yourself regularly irritated by family members who operate out of the dysfunctional patterns you now recognize. Bitterness and resentment become dragons requiring daily battle.
These folks from your old life are used to the adaptive self you crafted and may not know what to do with who you are becoming. They may not even like your true self, especially if you are no longer willing to offer what they used to get from you! That rejection truly stings…
This season of therapy can be very lonely as you find yourself distancing from those who operate under your old rules, but you have not yet built healthy replacement relationships. It can be incredibly tempting to return to aspects of the old adaptive self in the face of this loneliness. Some fade out of the therapy process at this point but they cannot unknow what they have learned, making their compromise existence a cruel game.
You may realize the job or career you are in is not a good fit for you. Perhaps your job is actually a toxic environment. Maybe the career field you spent thousands of dollars to prepare for will never align with what you now understand to be your strengths and what brings you fulfillment and joy. Again, the decisions you made about work came from the adaptive self you are retiring, leaving you in a situation that is no longer workable.
The old adaptive self is one you mastered. You know how it works. Saying no to the familiar is extremely difficult.

Living in transition and setting up your new “home” comes with many challenges. Temporarily crashing in someone else’s space is inconvenient, humbling and disorderly. Even after you’ve moved to your new place, there’s usually a stage of, “I’ve made a terrible mistake – why did I move here?” before you start meeting neighbors and finding new favorite restaurants and local activities to love. It’s the same when the rubber of therapy meets the road of life:

The new ways of thinking and behaving that will take you in the direction you want to go will feel awkward and clumsy. Very quickly, you begin to wonder if you can really pull this new story off as you move toward new friendships, romance, faith, calling, etc.
When our brains have been normed to the stimulation of dysfunctional life patterns, healthy people and activities will feel boring at best, downright unattractive at worst. It takes time to rewire the brain to enjoy this new existence.
You must retrain the people in your life, how to interact with you. This takes work and will not likely be well received. Conflicts will arise. A few will make it through this process, many will fade away or depart in a fiery blaze. Are we willing to let go of those who cannot steward well, who we are becoming?
For all of these reasons, embracing the true self is terrifying. Offering a committed “YES” to that which is true of you demands Courage with a capital C. Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and moving forward anyway. That is the very definition of Phase Three therapy at Phenix!

Many people assume that once they have done the work of deconstruction and grieving, they need only find healthy people who have also done their work and relationships will be easy-peasy. Unfortunately, that is not the case at all. Healthy relationships between mature individuals take work but I can promise that it is fulfilling work. Forcing dysfunctional relationships to run is devastating work. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather do the fulfilling work of assessing acquaintances for core relational competencies, learning and teaching about the nuances of each others’ personalities, building trust, and allowing others to meet our appropriate needs as we meet theirs. (Many clients find relying on others one of the most difficult steps to master.)

Then there is an aspect of this phase that I don’t think we talk about enough: It is one thing to intellectually assent to what was lost or never provided. It is another thing altogether to experience life as it should be – the dynamics you didn’t have before. Such experiential understanding ushers in a new level of grieving. This is a surreal, dual experience: moving forward in building the new story while simultaneously holding space for the sadness that comes with truly understanding what you were missing.

The foundational principle to establishing the new “home”, the true self, the new story, is the fact that commitment and action precedes emotion. You will not feel like doing the things that need to be done. Yet, we do not advocate a “fake it till you make it” approach. It’s not about bumbling around, creating a new adaptive self in hopes of getting what you want. It is about tuning in to what is true about you and aligning your actions with that truth versus the lies your old self believed. It’s mindfully walking in truth until your brain, body and soul have enough experience to actually believe it. It is one of the scariest processes you will ever undertake in life. Courage will be required in Costco-sized amounts but the payoff is worth it, just like that dream house we get to live in when the moving truck pulls away, the boxes are unpacked and the interior design has been fully executed. All those months of planning, crisis response, expense, letting go, cleaning, organizing, learning, choosing and moving are absolutely worth all the trouble!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health, Relationships Tagged With: Boundaries, Career, Counseling, Grief, Hope, Identity, Psychotherapy, Rebirth, Relationships, Self Knowledge, Therapy, Transformation

Dealing with Disappointment

March 24, 2022 by Andrea

It seems that is a common theme these days.

Plans are made, an interruption strikes, and disappointment enters.

A relationship doesn’t work out the way we hoped it would, a job doesn’t turn out how we thought, plans we were looking forward to are cancelled.

The day becomes entrenched in it, the weekend overcome by it.

However, we often give away so much of our power to disappointment.

What would happen if we viewed the impact of the disappointment differently?

Notice I didn’t say “view the disappointment differently”. This is not a post on maintaining only positive thoughts and ignoring sadness. In order to feel happiness, we have to also feel the other emotions, including sadness. We can’t push down one without pushing down them all.

So yes, it is okay to be sad when something we were hoping for doesn’t work out. It is okay to be disappointed when we were really excited for something to happen.

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The key is how do we allow the disappointment to impact us.

Part of casting off the lie of powerlessness is not allowing external factors to control us.

Yes, external factors will impact all of us. However, we get to control our mindset, our hope, and how we respond.

So after feeling the disappointment, where do we go from there? Here are two key questions:

Can I flow with the change? – Similar to waves coming onto a beach. If we stand against the wave, it crashes against us. If we go with the wave, it takes us right back to shore. With disappointment, can we flow with the emotions then adjust our mindsets?

Often, when we hold our lives, plans, and ideas with tight fists, any slight adjustment will send us spiraling. The key is to hold our plans and relationships with a dose of both hope and reality. Hope that things will progress a certain way, but also reality in realizing the world we live in and that plans can change.*

How do we adjust our mindset? – Let’s say plans are cancelled because you were exposed to covid (again). You now have more free time on your hands than you did before. How do you view that time? Do you allow it to be overcome by the disappointment or do you find ways to still live? This could look like reading a good book, maybe taking a much needed rest, or deep cleaning that space in the house that you’ve been avoiding.

In therapy terms, this is called “reframing”. It is this concept of taking the same picture (ex. the exposure) and putting a new frame around it. It does not negate what has happened or take away the frustration, sadness, or disappointment. However, it does change how we view the picture.

For your disappointment, what is a possible reframe?

*Idea of holding hope and reality together came from a book called, People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them The Keys by Mike Bechtle.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health Tagged With: Coping Skills, Counseling, Hope, Loss, Self Care, Self Knowledge

Couples Therapy

March 23, 2022 by Andrea

Are you wondering if your relationship would benefit from therapy?

Trouble in relationships is not uncommon. The pressures of the last couple of years, on top of the usual conflicts in any relationship, have sent many couples in search of assistance to address concerns. Thankfully, the research on couples’ counseling shows much greater satisfaction with the assistance received these days versus just a few decades ago. Add to that, a declining divorce rate in the US over the last decade, and we have a much more hopeful picture for relationships than we are generally led to believe.

Here at Phenix, we approach couples’ work differently than most practices. We have many reasons for our approach:

1)Our mission focuses on deep transformation, not just problem-solving. Studies show that couples can gain vital relationship skills and work on their group dynamic fairly quickly when attending therapy together – leading to increased satisfaction and less conflict. However, what we are finding is that over time – unresolved issues within the individuals cause the couple to slip back into dysfunctional patterns, leaving them feeling hopeless and frustrated.

2) A major concern in the field of marriage and family counseling is the issue of abusive relationships. Ethics codes for all types of therapists have been clarified in recent years to explicitly discourage couples’ therapy with relationships that include domestic violence. Unfortunately, when couples attend sessions together, it can be difficult to detect and/or safely confront domestic violence, leaving the therapist contributing to the dangerous situation!

3) Research from John Gottman tells us the average couple waits six years after trouble begins to seek counseling. When there is such significant lag time between onset and therapy, relational safety is most likely compromised, making openness and honesty in the therapy space together extremely difficult. Dysfunctional habits can be so deeply ingrained that sessions become focused on simply refereeing these damaging behaviors versus the deep transformation required to create a healthy, connected relationship. So often, we have sat with individuals wounded by past trauma or whose childhoods were devoid of relational role models, leaving them ill equipped to build a healthy relationship despite the best of intentions. Imagine two electricians showing up to install an electrical system in a new build but they are missing their tools. They have the skill and the knowledge – as soon as they get the proper tools, they’re ready to accomplish the goal. Now imagine two well-meaning souls showing up to a job site for the same task when they’ve never been trained or they have a traumatic history with electricity that has not been adequately addressed. Each person would need to attend specialized training and obtain supervised experience in order to come together to get the job done.

Overall, we have come to discover that the most efficient approach which fits our transformative style is to work with each person individually first before moving into couples’ work. We address the underlying dynamics that attracted each person to the relational style they are in as well as the root issues which keep them participating (actively or passively) in the dysfunctional dance that brought them to therapy. It’s both partners taking ownership and doing the hard work of unpacking their story, grieving their losses, building their loving adult selves and acquiring the needed relational tools, to build the deeply fulfilling relationship they long for.

Not everyone wants that. Some are perfectly happy with learning how to reduce conflict and maintain a mutually beneficial life partnership that does not demand excessive levels of vulnerability and intimacy. That is a perfectly viable option! Once you know what outcome you want, you can make an informed choice of therapist.

Now that you understand the options, if you are interested in the path of personal transformation that leads to deeply connected and fulfilling relationship, you’re in the right place. Individuals can each work with the same therapist or with different therapists in the practice. Confidentiality is maintained in this initial stage for each individual. Along the way, sessions may occasionally involve both parties when a partner is beneficial to addressing an individual’s growth. At a collaboratively decided point, individuals are ready to transition to couple-focused work. They will be given full disclosure of the changes in therapeutic relationship (primarily the switch from individual confidentiality to shared confidentiality) so that they can make decisions about therapy which feel most comfortable to them.

In any case, it all starts with a free consult to ensure that we are the best fit for your needs so contact us today to get started!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Family, Relationships Tagged With: Counseling, Hope, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Therapy, Transformation

Surviving the Unknown

March 2, 2022 by Andrea

It took me a while to figure out how to begin this post.

So much has occurred in the previous weeks (years, really) that cannot be put into words.

The grief that has entered people’s lives, the chaos in the world today, and the fires that never seem to end.

There have been so many “once in a lifetime” occurrences that I’ve lost track.

However, here is the dilemma : if we want to survive this, we have to find a way to survive. In other words, we have to find ways to take care of ourselves.

But if you’re anything like me right now, just being told to engage in self care is exhausting. It’s another to do list that I have no energy for, and frankly, don’t want to spend energy on.

So where do we go from here?

Below are three simple ideas that can maybe provide some encouragement during this time that take no energy to do at all.

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Comfort Corner : This one is my favorite. The whole premise is to find a place to de-stress. It doesn’t matter if it is a corner in your room, a seat in your car, or a place in nature. The goal is to have a place that is specifically used for receiving comfort and de-stressing. This way, whenever you go there, your body will actually begin to relax. Our director, Andrea, is doing a special Instagram Live on the Comfort Corner this week. You can visit our Instagram page to watch the video on more ways to do this, and other creative ideas. (My area that I go to currently has chocolate and cookies in it. I’ve prepped that area well.)

Drop the phone : Overstimulation is real. Our bodies were not created to take in coverage from the entire world non-stop everyday. The threat response systems in us are extremely sensitive to any possible threat, and that includes news coverage. Since it is also important to know what is going on outside of our immediate circles, maybe practice spacing out the times you are on social media or watching the news. For those born before the 2000’s, you probably remember how the news used to only come on at 5 pm. That’s when we would receive our daily updates for everything going on. Now, we are bombarded with information 24/7, most of it not comforting. So find times that work with your schedule – where there is an intentional time of gathering information and then a break to allow your body to regulate.

*For those who want to really be challenged, try spending an hour (or even a full day) without your phone. Really allow your body to detox from the information overload it may have been experiencing.

Release the shame : We live in a culture that is highly focused on performance. Not surprisingly, this has seeped into our view on taking care of ourselves as well. Now, we feel ashamed for “not doing enough” to take care of ourselves or those in our families who rely on us for provision and answers. Here is the truth though: you won’t have all of the answers and know exactly what to do every time. There will be days that getting out of bed is hard. There will be days that realizing you are awake and still here that are even harder. Give yourself permission to release the shame telling you that something is wrong with you or that you have failed. Physically push the shame off of your body. Like right now – physically push it off as you take a deep breath. As you inhale, imagine gathering the shame. Then as you exhale, imagine releasing the shame from your body.

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As we continue this journey together over the coming weeks, I encourage you to form a mental mantra that you can repeat when you feel yourself getting burned out, exhausted, or just about to explode.

For the end of this blog post, let’s practice one together. I placed the statements next to either “inhale” or “exhale”. As you breathe in or out, I encourage you to say those statements and allow your body to rest in them. I received this idea from an Instagram account called blackliturgies. Each post is powerfully written.

Inhale: I am still here.

Exhale: There is always hope.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health Tagged With: Coping Skills, Counseling, Grief, Hope, Loss, Psychotherapy, Self Care, Self Knowledge, Self Love, Therapy

For Those Who Want to Become a Therapist:

February 7, 2022 by Andrea

We are starting a new blog post series focused on those who would like to pursue becoming a therapist. The plan is to breakdown important questions to not only ask your future graduate school, but to ask yourself.

Now, as a precursor to this post, I want to direct your attention to a post our director, Andrea, has written about what it takes education wise to become a therapist, as well as how to maximize your own therapy experience. She states in “Maximizing Therapy”,

By the time a new therapist graduates from their masters program, they have spent more than 600 hours in graduate level classrooms taking courses dedicated to the art of helping people with life problems. They have sweated almost 2000 hours on homework and completed 1000 hours of supervised internship. All at a price tag of over $35,000 (minimum). Upon graduation, they must work under supervision for at least two years, complete an additional 1500 hours of client service and pass a national competency exam. When you show up in a therapist’s office, or log on to their teletherapy platform, you are meeting with a highly trained clinician who is there to help you reach your mental, emotional, and relational health goals.

Whew. The journey to licensure is no joke, but is highly rewarding to those who believe being a therapist is part of their calling. Let’s dive in to a few questions to ask yourself as you decide whether this journey is right for you.

Why do you want to be a therapist?

This will be a common question on graduate school applications. Take some time as you are researching different schools to explore what is driving you.

Every individual enters into the master’s program for a different reason, many times because of their own stories. Responding from a place of healing and wanting the same for others can be powerful.

Alfred Adler was a psychotherapist in the 1900’s. (You’ll learn about him in grad school.) He commented on the nature of therapists who have struggled through different aspects of life and the power that comes from having done your own work. Now it was written in 1928, but there is much truth to what he says.

There must be experience [for the therapists] as well. A real appreciation for human nature, in the face of our inadequate education today, will be gained by only one class of human beings. These are the contrite sinners, either those who have been in the whirlpool of psychic life, entangled in all its mistakes and errors, and saved themselves out of it, or those who have been close to it and felt its current touching them….The best knower of the human soul will be the one who has lived through passions himself. (pg. 13)

Are you open to doing your own work?

One of the best mirrors to your own unhealed areas in life will be your clients. This is why it is so vital that you have explored your own story before sitting with someone else. Your clients are not there to save you, fix you, or help you figure out your stuff. You are there for them. As our supervisor, Larry Shyers, loves reminding us, “It is never ever, ever, ever, ever about you”.

I highly encourage you to continue therapy throughout graduate school. Implement the things you are learning, allow yourself to go on the adventure. Having an openness to growth and knowing that you are selecting a profession that will constantly challenge you is a necessity.

If not, then when something comes up in session that reveals an area of wounding in you, it is so much easier to stick your head in the sand and push it down. When this happens, we can cause harm. The session inadvertently becomes about us and our own avoidance, thus taking the focus off the individuals coming to us for help.

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At the end of the day, you are pursing a profession that has a profound impact on people’s lives. You may be the first person they share their deepest, darkest moments with. You may be the only support they have at this time. Please don’t take that for granted. Realize the impact you have on people’s lives and walk through your own story. Pursue your own healing.

At the same time, you also have to realize that you cannot save your clients or rescue them from their problems (as much as we wish we could). There will be nights this rocks you to the core. There will be days you wish you could pull them out, especially when they are not a number or a “session” to you.

Continuing to walk through your own story helps you remain present and humble, no matter who may walk through your door. It also creates an environment of authenticity in the room that can be felt (even through telehealth).

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Join us next week as we continue to explore important considerations and aspects of learning how to be a therapist.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Service Tagged With: Business, Career, Counseling, Group Therapy, Leadership, Psychotherapy, Purpose, Therapy, Vocation

Parenting Challenges

January 31, 2022 by Andrea

Are you worried about your child/teen? Has their behavior changed? Have they withdrawn from the family or even their peers?

Unfortunately, there is no shortage of stressors for kids and teens today – a sampling includes:

An overburdened school system inadequate to meet the individual needs of each child.
Declining empathy skills leading to ever-intensifying forms of bullying.
Family changes: divorce, separation, blended families.
Chronic illness within the family.
Too many activities.
Unstable living situations – frequent moves or school changes.
Negative self concept in comparison to social media.
Confusing messages about identity development.

It is no surprise then, that the National Alliance on Mental Illness reports that 1 in 6 U.S. youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among people aged 10-34. But here is the most important fact for parents to pay attention to: the majority of people who die by suicide did not have a known mental health condition! The truth is – if you are human, you will face mental health difficulties at some point. It is no different than our physical health – none of us reach the end without experiencing some form of illness in our lifetimes, even if it is just a cold. What makes us think mental health is any different? We must honestly assess ourselves and our children for signs of mental/emotional distress.

There are two pillars which ground our work at Phenix when taking on a teen or child client:

Pillar 1 – Life gets hard for all of us at some point so therapy is a vital component of health care – no different than the dentist or the pediatrician. Our children and teens are facing a world for which we adults have few answers. The pressures they face are alien to our experiences. Our parents raised us under completely different circumstances so they may not understand the challenges you deal with as a parent. If you are feeling isolated and confused in your parenting journey – you are not alone!

Pillar 2 – If you are familiar with Phenix, then you know that we work from a relational theoretical orientation: we believe that the problems we face are always rooted in relationship – relationship with self and others. Relationship is the context within which healing takes place. Even when working with adult individuals, we are always mindful of that person’s primary relationships and how they may be affected by the work we are doing in therapy. All the more relevant is this principle when working with an underage client who is literally dependent upon adults for most aspects of their lives.

Based on these two pillars, we have a unique policy when taking on a child/teen client: We will not work with just the child. If a parent wants to bring their child or teen to Phenix for help, then at least one caregiver must be willing to engage their own therapy as well. This is not rooted in blame – very often, the challenges that kids face have external sources. However, a child’s mental health correlates with the parents’. As leaders in the family, in control of all available resources, parents hold all the power to facilitate health in the home. Our relational approach does not align with “dropping” a child off for therapy and expecting significant change without parental involvement. We expect that at least one primary caregiver (preferably all) will engage an individual process of examining their own biases, beliefs, coping tools and relational style – working toward the deep, transformative change that realigns the very atmosphere in the home. This kind of work often uncovers past hurts and traumas which would be inappropriate to address in family sessions. Additionally, the struggles and pains of parenting often trigger underlying personal issues. We provide a safe space for parents to receive the confidential support they so richly deserve!

With multiple therapists in the practice – parents can choose their own therapist for their individual work, or they can work with the same therapist as their child/teen. In all cases, parent therapy is confidential and we ask parents to allow us a level of privacy with the child/teen for their individual sessions. We must establish a trust-based working alliance with the teen/child if they are to open up in therapy. Of course, we address any issues of harm with parents. We work with the parent/s and child to design a rotation of individual and family sessions that fit schedules and financial resources. The plan makes room for working with each individual on their own therapeutic goals, as well as parent coaching sessions and family sessions where communal issues are addressed. If at all possible, we look for ways to include siblings in the process, as they often have helpful perspectives and need to build buy-in to whatever changes are taking place in the family system. Holding space for individual confidentiality and family work is a complex skill that not every therapist is comfortable with. We are well aware of the complexity of this approach and continually assess our bracketing skills and therapeutic methods – watching for situations where the dynamics require the parent work with a therapist outside our practice.

Some parents bring their child or teen to therapy because they are already working with their own therapist and want similar benefits for their child. That is always exciting, as the parent is already on the path to personal transformation! In that case, we establish a release of information between our practice and their therapist so that observations can be shared with the parent’s therapist and collaboration can occur between therapists for more effective parent coaching & family sessions here at Phenix.

If a teen client is aged 17 when they begin therapy with us, we do not follow this process automatically. We obtain feedback from the teen client regarding how much involvement they want parents to have, encouraging them to identify issues their parent/s could work on in therapy.

We believe that play is the language of childhood, so we utilize creative activities when working with kids. However, there are limitations to online play, so we generally do not work with younger children. We have no age requirement – every child is different so we collaboratively determine what will work when we conduct the free consult initial session. Clearly, our process demands a high level of commitment. This aligns with our mission for transformation, rebirth and purpose which is never available without commitment. There is a place for acute problem-solving approaches in certain seasons of life so we are not the practice for every family and that is completely fine. That said – if your family is ready to dig in to a process of lifelong transformation; if you are ready to break generational traumas; if you are ready to walk in purpose – reach out to us via call, text, email or the contact form here on the website!

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: Children, Counseling, Psychotherapy, Therapy, Transformation

Therapy 101

January 10, 2022 by Andrea

So you’ve decided you would like to begin therapy.

Typically, that should be the hardest part. Letting someone in, especially someone that you don’t know, to share your story in hopes of a better life is hard enough.

Unfortunately, “overwhelmed” is a pretty accurate description to how most people feel when they try to find a therapist. If you take a second and type in “therapist in (city)”, you will find hundreds, if not thousands of options.

So, how do you narrow down the field? Let’s say that you spoke to a friend and they gave you a referral, or you found someone on Therapy Den or Psychology Today. How do you know if they are a good fit for you? Below are two good criteria to look at and what Phenix does to meet those criteria.

The Therapist’s Bio

Depending on why you would like to attend therapy or what you have gone through in life, certain therapists will be more qualified to assist you. The bio on the website will tell you quite a bit about who they are and how they operate (hopefully). If one stands out to you, write down questions so you can hear more about their training and experience.

At Phenix, each therapist took the time to write a detailed bio about our background, training, areas of focus, and how we view therapy. This way, you have a good idea of what to expect before even meeting one of us.

As a disclaimer, certifications and official trainings are great, but don’t base a therapist’s competence on only that. Which leads me to the second criteria…

Have they done their own work?

You can only learn so much in a training that lasts 3 hours or from textbooks in graduate school. The metaphor I use with clients is this: if I was climbing Mt. Everest, I would ideally want someone who had climbed the mountain before, not just someone who read about how to do so in a textbook. I would like someone who had done their research on how to help various people climb the mountain, learned how to help heal different wounds and levels of frostbite, AND had already made the journey.

By climbing it themselves, they know which pitfalls to look for and which parts will be deceptively slippery.

They also know where to look to see the most beautiful sunrises.

There is a level of competence and humility that only comes from doing your own work in therapy. Everyone needs someone to talk to and process things out with. Ideally, through the therapy process, you learn how to form authentic, intimate relationships so that those are the people you begin to do life with. At Phenix, each therapist has gone down their own journey of healing and has surrounded themselves with people to continue that process. Instead of feeling like any of us has “arrived”, there is an ability to hold the unknown and simply be with whoever walks through the door.

Free Consult

At Phenix, we have a consult time with each prospective client. This is a free 50 minute session where the potential client can ask questions and get to know the therapist before agreeing to embark on this journey together.

When I was searching for my own therapist years ago (before the graduate school adventure), I was wary due to already having had some negative therapeutic experiences. So when I was paired with a potential therapist, I finally asked questions that I had not known to ask before.

While our director, Andrea, implemented the consult idea during covid, it has remained due to being incredibly beneficial for both us and potential clients. My favorite part about it is that it gives prospective clients a time to ask questions and make their own informed decisions, instead of feeling like they were instructed who to see or stuck with someone.

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So no matter where you go for therapy, I encourage you to look at the above two criteria. Take into account professional training for your specific situation, as well as the therapist’s ability to stay present during the time with you due to having done their own work.

Filed Under: Mental Health, Service Tagged With: Business, Counseling, Organizational Culture, Psychotherapy, Purpose, Self Love

Surviving the Holidays: Parent Edition

December 20, 2021 by Andrea

Welcome parents!

This holiday survival guide is specifically for you, as the stressors you experience are unique. You not only are trying to take care of yourself during this time, but of all the children and extended family who are home for the holidays. So before we begin, let us take a moment to breathe. Deep inhale in, long exhale out.

Reality is, with how much stress some parents feel, moments like that are too rare.

As we dive into this blog post, I want to provide a framework for how to view this season. To start with:

You are not powerless.

So often, we assume that the holidays = stress and that this stress is just something that will take over the holidays like normal.

False.

You were not designed to be overcome by stress every holiday season. You have been placed in a position of leadership and counsel. Stress cannot overcome you if you do not allow it, because you are not powerless.

We also have to pair this knowledge with the fact that we cannot control others.

So if that one family member decides to start their usual drama and you find yourself in the bathroom wondering how you will get through the following weeks, remember this:

You don’t have to attend every fight you are invited to.

If they choose to start up their own emotional rollercoaster in the living room, you don’t have to get on. They don’t get to have that kind of power.

This is a great time to then practice the deep breathing (longer exhale) and take a moment to slow down. This time of slowing down gives your brain a moment to think about how you would like to respond in a way that represents your character and integrity. How to say what you want to say wrapped in love, while also setting a firm boundary that you are willing to protect.

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Now that we have the framework set, let’s dive in to three main guideposts for this season. Remember, the goal is to thrive, not just survive.

Guidepost 1: You are a human being, not human doing.

Yes, it’s kind of cheesy, I know, but it’s so true. I forget where I first heard it from but it gave me pause when I heard it. I was shocked how much of my life actually fit the “human doing” phrase better.

At Phenix, we are reading a book called Soul Custody this holiday season. The author, Stephen Smith says this on page 18, “The Chinese have two characteristics for the English word ‘busyness’, which they define as ‘heart annihilation’.” The Chinese definitely have a different perspective on busyness than the American culture does. However, I think they have a point. When we are overly busy, we miss so much.

So here is the challenge question: is your holiday season too busy?

If you notice that it is, what can you adjust or change entirely?

Guidepost 2: Take care of yourself

Part of the role of parenting is caring for others. However, in order to rebuild, you also have to take care of you. This looks different for everyone, but it has to be incorporated at some point. If not, our bodies usually take over and we are forced to rest.

In the same book as mentioned before, Stephen discusses how “the word ‘care’ has its roots in a Latin word that means ‘cure’.” (p. 17)

If we listen to that connection, then caring for our souls becomes a necessity.

This time of caring for yourself has to be intentional, especially as a parent. What would it look like to incorporate small things that bring you joy throughout the day? (yes, cookies count) What would it look like to intentionally do something that makes you smile?

This doesn’t have to mean bubble baths and face masks, as mainstream media typically depicts self care.

No, soul care is different.

Soul care is realizing you are more than just a body that is expected to perform. You are a person, someone with worth and value. Someone with dreams and goals.

Soul care is realizing that living a life where you feel depleted all of the time is absolutely miserable, and you don’t have to live like that.

My encouragement for you this season is to find time to rest, to regroup. Incorporate things that bring you joy.

Guidepost 3: Know you are not alone.

No matter how you choose to celebrate the holidays, please remember this guidepost.

Some families right now are having their first Christmas without loved ones due to covid or other illnesses.

Some parents have recently gone through a divorce or separation, and this is their first holiday season without their partner present.

This season may come with mixed feelings. You don’t have to shove those down or repress them.

If you feel like they are about to overwhelm you, like the grief is too deep to wade through, remember you are not alone.

Grief, and emotions, are like waves (as our director, Andrea, points out). There will be times that the waves feel like they are swallowing you whole. Other times, they will lap at your ankles. However, the waves do recede.

When you feel like a big wave is hitting, here are a few things you can do: talk to a friend, journal, draw, or do something with your hands (working on a car, gardening, cleaning) while you process. You are not powerless here.

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Thank you for tuning in to our holiday guideposts!

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year.

See you in 2022!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Family, Mental Health, Relationships Tagged With: Coping Skills, Counseling, Grief, Holistic health, Hope, Relationships, Self Care, Self Knowledge, Self Love, Therapy

Confessions of a Counselor Part 3

December 7, 2021 by Justin Cunard

Confessions of a Counselor Part 3

How aware are you of your self-talk and the words you use with yourself and others?

It’s time again to share another hidden treasure of therapy, which at first can seem really annoying, but over time becomes a tremendous asset. That hidden treasure: awareness of the actual words you use with yourself and others. What do I mean? Well let’s take a quick inventory. I want you to stop, slow down…. and listen to what is going on in your mind right now. Do you notice these words: must, have to, got to, should have. Those are cue words. Those words are pressuring and usually a solid sign that your self-talk has switched into a critical nature. If you are in therapy with us and you have chosen to use parts of self as your lens for the work, the words listed above are signs your critical parent is in the driver’s seat, which is not where we want that part of self in the car.

Again – stop, slow down, and take notice of the words you are using with others. Are you noticing those, have to, should have, need to, and got to’s? This is typically a sign that you are triggered and maybe feeling that you are not good enough, you didn’t do enough, or feel a loss of control. When those feelings rise up, we tend to grasp at controlling those around us. Yikes…

So, why are we talking about this? Well, one of the benefits and early annoyances in therapy is that not only are you generally growing in awareness of how you behave, but also the words that are running around your mind. Now, more than ever, you’ll be cognizant of the verbiage you use to communicate with others. This is important because sometimes we are unaware of how our self-talk switches through the day. Becoming aware of those words you use with yourself is imperative to the therapeutic journey because it is in those moments of catching the self-talk changing that you can check-in and ask, “what just happened?”. Otherwise, you simply go on the ride of how your mind always operated before you began therapy.

When you are able to stop and ask the above question it now gives you the opportunity to see what may have triggered you or bothered you. This is amazing because now you can take back the power and control over your thoughts and reactions. You can really begin the process of change!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health Tagged With: Coping Skills, Counseling, Mindfulness, Psychotherapy, Self Care, Self Knowledge, Therapy, Transformation