Holistic health Archives - Andrea Tackore

Rest times seven

April 5, 2022 by Andrea

Isn’t rest simply sitting still or sleeping?

Have you found yourself sleeping or being still a lot but feeling more exhausted than ever?

Maybe the rest you’re getting isn’t the kind of rest you need!

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am fascinated with the biblical significance of numbers. It is well known by many in the Christian faith that the number seven represents completeness and perfection. Couple that factor with our recent focus on the body/soul/spirit depletion rampant in our society right now and it makes sense why the IG post shown here grabbed my attention!

The timing was perfect as we had decided, only days prior, to take some time off and I was in the midst of trying to plan that week away to be most replenishing. From the other side of that week off, I want to share how I used this information in hopes that practical examples help you apply this insight to your own life…

Step One: Make the decision to stop. No matter what kind of rest we will discuss – all of it requires that we stop what we are doing. As a small business owner, that is particularly difficult because we do not have a guaranteed salary. If we aren’t seeing clients, we are not earning income. With recent financial punches fresh in our memories, it didn’t seem possible to step away for a week but we knew that if we failed to walk our talk, not only would we pay a price far greater than money but our clients would be negatively affected as well. We’re not advocating reckless abandon. We simply know that we must count every cost: health, sanity, relational and functional – not just financial.

Step Two: Planning. What I am about to share did not happen automatically. I was already working on the details of our time off but when I saw this post, I ran with it to help ensure that our time would generate maximum benefit.

Physical – I chose several restorative yoga moves shown to address exhaustion and began with a 20 minute Savasana on the eve of our first day off. I slept in that next day and made it my goal to stay in bed as much as possible all day. I had already planned out my nutrition for the day so it was easy for me to get my meals and go back to lying down. I ended the night with a full yoga practice and for the rest of the week, I ended each day with an extended restorative pose before getting into bed on time.

Mental – I logged out of all my social media accounts so that I could give my brain a break from all that is wrong with the world. I committed one day to completing work tasks that had been plaguing me undone for weeks. I picked up books I haven’t had time to read – giving me a chance to enjoy learning new concepts for my work as well as diving into fiction I love. Throughout the week, I tuned into the playlists I already have. During my nightly restorative pose, I used a beautiful bilateral worship music album. Bilateral techniques are used to help heal our brains that have been wounded by the stresses and trauma of life.

Emotional – If you’ve followed us for any length of time, you know that we talk about grieving a lot. It is a vital component of our response to the challenges and changes of life, but is a process we are not typically taught how to move through. We made a commitment during this week off to utilize the same strategies that we teach our clients – focusing on the losses of the past two years. Since Justin and I spent this time together, we were able to process our experiences with each other. Another option is to schedule time with a friend, therapist or mentor who holds space well for your thoughts and feelings.

Social – The goal here is balance. If you spend a majority of your time alone, then rest would entail spending more time around life-giving others. As therapists, we spend the majority of our time interacting with others so we chose to spend our time alone. Even as a couple, we spent a good bit of our week off in separate areas of the house.

Creative – I regularly keep an art journal so creativity and play is already an important part of my life. I had grand plans for painting one of the many blank canvases I have piled up but I ended up just coloring in pages with my watercolor brush pens. It was about play, not creative productivity.

Spiritual – We chose to spend a couple of days at St Leo Abbey which turned out to be the best decision of our time off. Staying in their guest house places you in an atmosphere of quiet reflection. We took the option of joining a couple of their prayer services where the Benedictine monks sing the psalms as prayers and ate meals with the brothers who live there. This is where we leaned in to our grief work, making it a painful but deeply healing time. Being away from home allowed us to truly focus internally and connect with God in ways we struggle to do in the every day. The Abbey also has beautiful grounds on which to wander and commune with nature.

Sensory – It is amazing how logging off all the “apps” automatically creates quiet. I log out of everything on my phone because it is such an ingrained habit to tap on icons. When I take this automatic action, I am faced with login prompts which immediately remind me, “I’m not doing this right now”. Each time this happened, it was a reminder to simply sit in quiet and ask myself what I was looking for. What do I need in this moment? We also spent a quiet day in what I call our “happy place” – Bok Tower Gardens. We have a membership which makes it an easy decision to go. This membership also gives us free or significantly discounted access to gardens and museums around the country.

Did this week solve all of our problems and give us endless energy? No. The world, with all it’s ills, was there all along but we return to our work with mental, emotional and physical energy restored. Our warning lights had come on and now we are able to get back on the road without alarm bells ringing. We will take what we’ve learned about rest, forward into better management of ourselves as well as into our work with clients.

Hopefully, these thoughts give you ideas for identifying the type of rest you actually need and ways in which you can access it. You don’t have to take a week – start small…even five minutes dedicated to a specific type of rest is a gift your body, soul and spirit will benefit from!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health, Mind-Body Tagged With: Coping Skills, Grief, Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Retreats, Self Care, Sleep, Spirituality

Understanding Hidden Traumas

March 8, 2022 by Andrea

Amidst the wide scale destabilization that has occurred in our world over the past few years, hearing the word “trauma” has become almost second nature.

All of us could list off things that happened that we weren’t expecting or weren’t thrilled with. Things that were considered “crises” and relationships that were affected.

However, what about the hidden traumas that still impact us today?

Here’s an example:

Our society is incredibly individualistic. Now, this isn’t always a negative quality, but it can be detrimental when surviving a large scale crisis.

If we focus on the current war with Ukraine and Russia, even with the beginning of covid a couple years ago, the common advice that was given was to stock up on canned goods, extra cash, and even toilet paper. (Oh those days)

However, for those who are currently struggling to pay the normal bills, especially now with the ramifications of covid still affecting people, this advice is panic inducing.

For those working most of the day and taking care of children at night, trying to find the “extra” time to go to the store can add stress in an already maxed out life.

Since society is very individualistic, we really don’t have a safety net for those who are struggling. The “safety net” that is given is often broken, inadequate, or slow to manifest.

With how sensitive our threat response systems are, the lack of consistency and predictable situations would evoke a tendency to live in survival mode – aka we are ready to fight, run, or freeze.

Trying to function day to day in survival mode is not only exhausting, but it’s not sustainable. Yet so many people are currently doing just that and they are struggling. They feel alone and unseen.

Overtime, it’s like many small rivers are converging into a large river that is now flooding the neighboring towns. In other words, the visible and hidden traumas have piled up to the point we are no longer able to function or make decisions that we are proud of.

So how do we apply this now?

Identify your rivers: both personal traumas and collective society ones that have impacted you.

Analyze the support system in your life: are they consistent, safe people? Are they willing to show up when they say they will and when a disagreement occurs, are they willing to talk it out?

Identify the next right step for you when it comes to releasing the build up of this river: this will probably be something small. Could it be that the next right step is to give yourself time to rest tonight?

If you’ve noticed that there are multiple rivers converging that you are not sure how to handle, I encourage you to reach out. Sometimes life presents us with multiple rivers. The most important factor is whether we engage it from a position of powerlessness or from hope and assertiveness.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health Tagged With: Holistic health, Hope, Psychotherapy, Self Care, Therapy

Surviving the Holidays: Parent Edition

December 20, 2021 by Andrea

Welcome parents!

This holiday survival guide is specifically for you, as the stressors you experience are unique. You not only are trying to take care of yourself during this time, but of all the children and extended family who are home for the holidays. So before we begin, let us take a moment to breathe. Deep inhale in, long exhale out.

Reality is, with how much stress some parents feel, moments like that are too rare.

As we dive into this blog post, I want to provide a framework for how to view this season. To start with:

You are not powerless.

So often, we assume that the holidays = stress and that this stress is just something that will take over the holidays like normal.

False.

You were not designed to be overcome by stress every holiday season. You have been placed in a position of leadership and counsel. Stress cannot overcome you if you do not allow it, because you are not powerless.

We also have to pair this knowledge with the fact that we cannot control others.

So if that one family member decides to start their usual drama and you find yourself in the bathroom wondering how you will get through the following weeks, remember this:

You don’t have to attend every fight you are invited to.

If they choose to start up their own emotional rollercoaster in the living room, you don’t have to get on. They don’t get to have that kind of power.

This is a great time to then practice the deep breathing (longer exhale) and take a moment to slow down. This time of slowing down gives your brain a moment to think about how you would like to respond in a way that represents your character and integrity. How to say what you want to say wrapped in love, while also setting a firm boundary that you are willing to protect.

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Now that we have the framework set, let’s dive in to three main guideposts for this season. Remember, the goal is to thrive, not just survive.

Guidepost 1: You are a human being, not human doing.

Yes, it’s kind of cheesy, I know, but it’s so true. I forget where I first heard it from but it gave me pause when I heard it. I was shocked how much of my life actually fit the “human doing” phrase better.

At Phenix, we are reading a book called Soul Custody this holiday season. The author, Stephen Smith says this on page 18, “The Chinese have two characteristics for the English word ‘busyness’, which they define as ‘heart annihilation’.” The Chinese definitely have a different perspective on busyness than the American culture does. However, I think they have a point. When we are overly busy, we miss so much.

So here is the challenge question: is your holiday season too busy?

If you notice that it is, what can you adjust or change entirely?

Guidepost 2: Take care of yourself

Part of the role of parenting is caring for others. However, in order to rebuild, you also have to take care of you. This looks different for everyone, but it has to be incorporated at some point. If not, our bodies usually take over and we are forced to rest.

In the same book as mentioned before, Stephen discusses how “the word ‘care’ has its roots in a Latin word that means ‘cure’.” (p. 17)

If we listen to that connection, then caring for our souls becomes a necessity.

This time of caring for yourself has to be intentional, especially as a parent. What would it look like to incorporate small things that bring you joy throughout the day? (yes, cookies count) What would it look like to intentionally do something that makes you smile?

This doesn’t have to mean bubble baths and face masks, as mainstream media typically depicts self care.

No, soul care is different.

Soul care is realizing you are more than just a body that is expected to perform. You are a person, someone with worth and value. Someone with dreams and goals.

Soul care is realizing that living a life where you feel depleted all of the time is absolutely miserable, and you don’t have to live like that.

My encouragement for you this season is to find time to rest, to regroup. Incorporate things that bring you joy.

Guidepost 3: Know you are not alone.

No matter how you choose to celebrate the holidays, please remember this guidepost.

Some families right now are having their first Christmas without loved ones due to covid or other illnesses.

Some parents have recently gone through a divorce or separation, and this is their first holiday season without their partner present.

This season may come with mixed feelings. You don’t have to shove those down or repress them.

If you feel like they are about to overwhelm you, like the grief is too deep to wade through, remember you are not alone.

Grief, and emotions, are like waves (as our director, Andrea, points out). There will be times that the waves feel like they are swallowing you whole. Other times, they will lap at your ankles. However, the waves do recede.

When you feel like a big wave is hitting, here are a few things you can do: talk to a friend, journal, draw, or do something with your hands (working on a car, gardening, cleaning) while you process. You are not powerless here.

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Thank you for tuning in to our holiday guideposts!

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year.

See you in 2022!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Family, Mental Health, Relationships Tagged With: Coping Skills, Counseling, Grief, Holistic health, Hope, Relationships, Self Care, Self Knowledge, Self Love, Therapy

How to Survive the Holidays Part 2

November 29, 2021 by Andrea

Welcome back to our holiday survival guide!

Last week, we explored how gaining awareness of ourselves and those around us is crucial in not only surviving the holidays, but thriving.

This week, we explore the next three guideposts in surviving the holidays.

Guidepost 3: Time to evaluate

There are two main questions for this guidepost:

Was this Thanksgiving break a time of relaxation and reprieve (or did work become the escape)?

Overall, what do you want your holidays to look like?

Both are great questions as we continue to dive into a holiday experience that brings rejuvenation, rest, and joy. I encourage you to journal or talk to a close friend about your answers here. Take some time and really explore them.

Thanksgiving was probably a good precursor to how the Christmas holidays will go. If it resulted in higher stress for you, this is the perfect time to evaluate what you would like to do for December. How you spend the time during the holidays matters. For many, this is one of the only breaks from work or school that they will receive all year. It is vital that there are some moments of rest.

Which leads me to the next guidepost…

Guidepost 4: Know yourself and what you need

Here are your two main questions for this guidepost:

How do you recharge during your time off?

What can you add in during the holiday time to assist with that?

Again, Thanksgiving can be a great learning experience. If you felt burnt out or exhausted after this holiday, then you now have the opportunity and time to evaluate. How can you be creative during this upcoming Christmas vacation to add in moments of recharge and rest?

For the clients I work with, I encourage them to add in moments that incorporate their senses, inner child, and relationships. Let me explain. Your five senses are used daily to experience the world around you. Each of us have things that we love to experience, whether that be through taste, sight, sound, smell, or touch. Adding in moments on a daily basis that bring you joy is so vital to thriving in this life. During the holidays, I know that a walk outside does wonders for my mood and stress levels. I love to hear the birds in the morning and spend time in nature. It helps me focus. For others, it is the feeling of a warm blanket wrapped around them with hot cocoa.

This then also plays into your inner child. We are all passionate about different things. Incorporate those things this Christmas! Allow your creativity and playfulness to emerge. This can be through decorating the house, getting crafty, or implementing hobbies you enjoy (like baking cookies).

For moments that incorporate relationships, spend time with those around you who build into you, encourage you, and see you for who you are. These are the life giving moments that can happen as you take a walk with a friend, share a good meal with someone, or grab a cup of coffee since it’s freezing out. (Yes, I was born and raised in Florida. I get cold when a breeze blows.)

I would also encourage you to spend time with yourself. This is a relationship that is often neglected but so vital. Take a walk, read a good book, enjoy some yoga, build something new, or tear apart a car. This alone time is also recharging and necessary, just like the relational time with others is.

And lastly…

Guidepost 5: No.

It’s a complete sentence. You are allowed to say it, especially if an environment, outing, or family member has been shown to be unsafe.

You are not obligated to attend any gathering or talk to every family member.

I know that this goes against so many things you have been told and is uncomfortable to even acknowledge. However, part of thriving during the holiday season is realizing that you can protect yourself, even here. You are worth protecting. (Read that sentence again.) You do not need to relive the childhood trauma you endured because the person who hurt you decided they want you to come for Christmas dinner.

No is a complete sentence.

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Thanks for joining me on the guideposts to surviving the holiday season.

If you have any other guideposts you would like mentioned or broken down, leave a comment below and I’ll add them into the next post.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!

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Filed Under: Emotional Health, Family, Mental Health, Relationships Tagged With: Boundaries, Coping Skills, Counseling, Holistic health, Life Seasons, Relationships, Self Care, Self Esteem, Self Knowledge, Self Love, Therapy, Transformation

How to Survive the Holidays (and not end up in jail) Part 1

November 22, 2021 by Andrea

Welcome one and all to our guide on surviving the holidays! (Part 1)

If you are one of those rare individuals who do not have family drama, conflict, or a long lost relative that chooses to reappear during the holiday season, that’s wonderful. For the majority of the population, the holidays seem to bring something out of those around us that we did not know was there (or that we desperately wanted to forget). Join me as we dive into not only how to survive this holiday season, but thrive. Now, thriving might still look like booking multiple therapy sessions come January, but no jail time is a win.

Guidepost 1: Gaining awareness

For those of you who have been in therapy at Phenix or have seen any of the Justin and Caitlin show (which will be returning for a season 2 btw), you have likely heard of the term “inner child”. For those of you who have not heard of this yet, our “inner child” is a part of us that represents our child self. The child self, when integrated, brings with it joy, spirituality, curiosity, and playfulness.

In general, our inner child loves to idealize situations and people, especially our family. It is an honest and vulnerable part of us that desperately wants our parents’ love, affirmation, and acceptance. For many people, their parents were either unable or unwilling to provide one of those qualities. The holidays then become the perfect time for the inner child to jump on the idealization train and hope that this year will be different. This is why the first step of surviving the holidays is gaining awareness of this tendency from little you.

There’s nothing morally or inherently wrong with wanting your family’s love and acceptance. We are wired for connection and the foundational connection we crave is from our parents. However, if we continue to idealize the family members every year, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Which leads me to my next guidepost…

Guidepost 2: Gain awareness (of others)

I truly believe people can heal and relationships can be redeemed. With that belief, also comes a hearty dose of reality. Healthy relationships take authenticity and vulnerability, which requires a healthy amount of self awareness and desire to grow from each individual. Unfortunately, many families do not have relationships with each other that would be described as authentic and vulnerable. Gaining awareness of family patterns and dynamics will be vital. Here are some questions to ask:

How do the family members typically react to one another?

Is there a certain family member who consistently creates drama during the holidays?

Who becomes more stressed as Thanksgiving and Christmas inch closer? Why?

Who in the family is safe and healthy to talk to?

Who models authenticity and vulnerability?

How is the communication level? Do family members actually talk things out peacefully, or are problems avoided until a blow up occurs? (if it ever occurs)

People typically behave in the same patterns until significant work has been done to change and heal. Depending on what you have seen from holidays past, it is a safe bet to assume this holiday will be similar.

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Now that we have a place from which to begin, join me next week as we discuss the action steps you can take to take care of yourself during this time.

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Family, Mental Health, Relationships Tagged With: Counseling, Holistic health, Hope, Life Seasons, Relationships, Self Care, Self Love, Therapy, Transformation

Anti-Misery

November 1, 2021 by Andrea

How do you combat despair?

How do you keep worries in perspective?

I’m here to propose an answer to you. There is a power in remembering the good, no matter the situation we are in.

Today’s topic and answer to combatting despair, living a life of anti-misery, is gratefulness.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “grateful”? What does it mean to you?

For some, they think of being thankful, and with this being November 1st, they think of Thanksgiving.

Others think of being positive, which can easily translate to this pressure to be positive 24/7.

I’m going to propose a different definition: to be grateful is to remember.

It’s not minimizing life’s struggles. It’s not minimizing the pain. It’s not ignoring the confusion or chaos around you. It’s choosing to remember the good. It’s remembering that the pain is not all there is. It’s knowing there is more.

Being grateful takes daily practice. The phrase “an attitude of gratitude” always used to frustrate me. Whenever I would hear it, it would usually be coming from someone who wanted me to only focus on the positive, not the real world situations around me. Plus, gratitude isn’t a feeling, or an attitude. It’s a daily practice and a choice. It also changes our perspective.

I have experienced some pretty tough things in my life. Healing from those moments has been a long journey. When I wake up in the morning, I have a choice. I can either choose to focus on the pain and ignore everything else. I can choose to ignore the pain and only focus on the positive (aka toxic positivity, not gratefulness) Or, I can choose to find and remember the things and people I am grateful for, while also acknowledging the very real pain that is there. This is how I have found joy, no matter my circumstances.

For me, not allowing the trials or pain to overcome me is also about not being powerless. Being a survivor of sexual assault, I know the feeling of powerlessness all too well. It ties in real easily with feeling hopeless and helpless. However, part of my healing journey has been reclaiming my power. It has been realizing that I have a say over my future. That my past doesn’t get to define me. Most importantly, that the man who assaulted me does not get the chance to determine who I will become.

That meant I needed to change my mindset. I could not live in a state of powerlessness, hopelessness, or helplessness. Because I wasn’t powerless. I wasn’t hopeless. I wasn’t helpless. I had been in that moment of assault, yes, but that was not who I was.

Remembering what I have and who I have to be grateful for, allows me to see that there is still good in the world. It reminds me that I am loved and worthy of being loved. It reminds me that there is hope and light. It is a daily practice that reframes the challenges I am going through.

Gratitude is powerful.

What are you grateful for today?

“It is not joy that makes us grateful,

it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

Brother David Steindl-Rast

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health Tagged With: Coping Skills, Holistic health, Hope, Mindfulness, Self Care, Transformation

Aggressive Recovery

October 18, 2021 by Andrea

That’s an aggressive title, isn’t it?

With the world as it currently stands though, the way we recover from the daily chaos, stress, and unknowns has to be aggressive.

It has to be unstoppable.

We have to force through the circumstances of life to find time to take care of ourselves.

We desperately need it.

A common theme in therapy right now is exhaustion. Whether this is physical or more mental and emotional, everyone seems to be exhausted. Like a deep level of exhaustion that we have not known before.

The worse part is, due to how the world is currently going, we feel like we barely have any time to recover from the exhaustion. Days past, then months, then years. We look back and realize we haven’t lived. Just existed.

So how do we change this?

1. Analyze how you are currently recovering on a daily basis. Yes, I said daily. (sometimes hourly) Are there things you do with the sole intent of taking care of your spirit, soul, and body?

2. Find time. Recovery has to be important. The more we put it off and suppress the true nature of what we are going through, the more our body has to hold all of the pain and emotions. At some point, our bodies will shut down from holding too much. Waiting until that moment is not preferable, because it usually includes thousands of dollars in medical bills and a complete stop to our lives.

3. Pick something small. Expecting to drastically change your routine overnight isn’t realistic. That would also add unnecessary pressure to your life. Try just picking one thing that you can add to help with recovering at the end of the day. Below are some suggestions:

Incorporate your body: do something physical! Stretching is a great way to release tension held during the day.

Use your 5 senses: often this will also help ground you if you feel like you are flying on a tornado of life. Incorporate something you enjoy tasting, touching, smelling, hearing, or seeing to provide comfort.

Talk to someone or journal. Sometimes we have to decompress through talking about our days with a loved one or friend. This can help you gain a new perspective or release difficult emotions you may have been holding in.

4. Plan a retreat. I know Andrea and Justin both talked about this a few months ago, but planning some time away from the normal routine can be immensely helpful. This can be a time to intentionally rest, with no to-do list or expectations.

Self care can no longer be optional.

Taking care of our spirits, souls, and bodies has to be a priority.

We have to fight for ourselves and each other.

Filed Under: Service Tagged With: Counseling, Holistic health, Hope, Self Care, Self Love, Somatic, Transformation

Pandemic Combustion Prevention

November 7, 2020 by Andrea

Illustrate combustion

Have you about reached your limits after almost 8 months of chaos? Most of us began this season in March with some level of anxiety but a commitment to be careful and a belief that “this too shall pass”. Well. It hasn’t quite gone that way, has it? Not only are we staring down the barrel of a resurgence as winter approaches (something the experts predicted back in April), but add in social unrest, election vitriol and a complete breakdown of societal support and structure across every level. While folks have developed a routine of one foot in front of the other to get through our days, even those of us privileged enough to still have a job with the freedom to work from home, are beginning to realize that our gas tanks are near empty. With no end in sight, what is the plan?

It is time to stop and be strategic. As much as we would love to believe in the magic of a new year, 1/1/2021 will not bring with it any major changes. We are looking at more of the same for many months to come. In the coming weeks, we are supposed to figure out how to celebrate holidays without putting ourselves or others at undue risk. Not to mention – find the energy to do so. As mental health professionals, we’ve been observing all of this and feeling compelled to bring reasonable strategies to the table along with specific action steps that we can focus on as we bring this year to a close.

Mentally
Treat your brain like your favorite recipe – the ingredients you put in determine the end product. What are your priorities in life? Is it a mission you are called to; a role that you value – leader, spouse, parent; a set of spiritual values? What are the concepts bigger than you which should drive the way you do life? Once you have clarity on priority – become a diligent curator of everything you consume! The websites you visit, the people/accounts you follow on social media, the shows you watch, the books/articles you read, the videos you watch, the podcasts you listen to, the music you play…take a militant stance toward each and every ingredient being deposited in your brain. Does each one align with the priority you identified? If the ingredients don’t match up, the dish you end up with will not have any resemblance to what you claim to be of importance to you. Remember quality matters as well. Marinara made with grocery store tomatoes cannot compare to the sauce made with heirloom tomatoes from grandma’s backyard, right?

Action step: Spend a week making note of everything you take in, then sit down and make decisions about what needs to go and what ingredients are missing in light of what matters most to you.

Emotionally
Protect space in your life to notice, identify and express your emotions. If you struggle with knowing what emotions you are experiencing, try using this emotion wheel to give you the broader vocabulary which may help you get more specific about what you are feeling.

label emotions

Or…maybe words are not your issue, perhaps it is just not feeling connected to emotion at all. Relying less on your brain to figure it out and more on listening to your body may help. Just sitting quietly and scanning your body to find areas of tension, relaxation, pain, discomfort, unease or any other sensation can give you wonderful clues as to what is happening emotionally. There are very good reasons why we lose connection to our own internal life and this is where therapy may be a great idea to build back that connection.

Action step: Experiment with a daily reminder on your phone for various times of the day: try morning, mealtimes, afternoons or bedtime. When the alarm sounds, dedicate 10 minutes to tuning in to how you are feeling and express it in some way: draw something, find a song that matches, share it with someone or write it in a journal. By the end of the year, you will know what techniques work and what time of day is best or you will have clarity on the fact that it is time to reach out for assistance.

Physical
Seek quality information and focus on the basics over which you have control. Choose properly qualified sources for health information. (No, your meme-posting college friend who works in banking is not a good prospect). Look for people who are on the front lines of this pandemic – treating actual COVID patients or doing the research currently – and listen to their reports. COVID-19 was first reported on December 31, 2019 globally. Ten months is a very short period of time in the world of medicine. We have to expect the information to deepen and grow each week, so taking any kind of permanent stance on what works and doesn’t is not wise. Find good sources, listen to the information for yourself so that you can make wise decisions about your health and those with whom you come in contact. If you have friends working in the microbiology, epidemiology or infectious disease fields, ask them for recommendations. Here are a few resources to consider as well:

Medscape Resources

Simple model of what we currently understand regarding how the virus is transmitted. Note this is based on computer modeling and assumes a person in their most infectious stage of the virus. The encouraging news is how effective simple strategies are against this worst-case scenario!

Laurel Bristow, Infectious Disease Researcher

Samantha Yammine, PhD – Neuroscientist/Science Communicator

Kennen Hutchison – PhD Student-Neuroinvasive Virology

Action step: Find one or two good qualified sources for pandemic research information and do your best to minimize everything else so that you can protect yourself from panic and overwhelm. Take a look at the basics in your life: gentle nutrition, sleep and joyful movement. These are the things over which you have the most influence. Determine the baby steps you can take to gain progress in those areas.

Social
Abandon ‘all or nothing’ approaches to social engagement. We need each other and so we need to be flexible in creating opportunities to connect. We are called to physically distance – we do not have to socially distance. It is time to let go of waiting on how it used to be. Grieve the days that are in the rear view mirror. The ways in which we interact – both in person and digitally are changed forever. Change is constant. We will have some elements of contact back someday AND we will have precautions that will stay with us indefinitely. Many of us have refused to reckon with this reality, holding out for a return to “normal” while life passes us by in isolation. Don’t skip the grief: the reckoning, the hurt, the fear, the anger, the sadness, the acceptance…it all must be attended to if we are to avoid the subconscious consequences. Acceptance is hard won. It looks like intentional strategies to regain what has been lost, from new sources.

Action step: Commit to the digital tools you may not enjoy as the price to be paid for relationship: video calls, phone calls, apps. Feel the irritations, the frustrations, whatever difficult emotions you have and move forward anyway. Put these digital connection appointments in your calendar so that they have a chance to slowly work their way into your normal routine. Use the information you have gained from the science community to develop reasonable strategies for in-person gatherings. Talk to your doctor about your unique vulnerabilities. Discuss your decisions with friends and family and find the ones who are willing to commit to the steps required for minimizing risk to yourself and loved ones. Make those folks members of your pandemic pod and enjoy your time together!

Would you benefit from a step-by-step walk through in applying these suggestions? Click here to download our pacing manual! We provide the questions and worksheets to help you identify your priorities, evaluate your media consumption, manage your emotions, improve your sleep, design your pandemic pod and prioritize your relationships. We also provide great resources for learning more about helpful phone apps, nutrition and exercise.

GET THE MANUAL HERE

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Boundaries, Coping Skills, Counseling, Grief, Holistic health, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Self Care

Weary

February 28, 2017 by Andrea

If you read last week’s post, you know that sleep has been an “issue” for me lately. Generally speaking, exhaustion has been my constant companion. At first, I chalked this up to the aforementioned backsliding on sleep hygiene. But…in my heart I knew there was more to the story. There always is.

There is a popular metaphor about the frog in boiling water. The story goes that if you put a frog in a pot of cold water, set it on the stove and turn on the heat…the frog will stay in the water as it continues to get hotter. Apparently, the gradual rise in temperature is not something it notices and eventually, it will literally boil without ever jumping from the pot as it is free to do. Now, let’s put aside the very reasonable question of who discovered this awful truth and why. The point is, it illustrates how we can get so normed to dysfunction or negative circumstances/emotions that we remain oblivious to its dangers.

As I pondered this season of exhaustion and wondered what in the world was wrong with me, I realized that my daughter’s birthday is March 2nd. Those who know me, realize exactly what that means. Words cannot describe how much that little girl was the center of my world and what trauma it meant to lose her 22 years in. How could my body not remember the process of giving life to this central figure? How could it not mourn the absence of whom it had birthed? You see…that’s the thing. The body remembers. Often, when sleep is elusive, it is absolutely connected to emotional traumas. What that means is that sleep hygiene becomes even more important as a means of tender loving care for these wounds. There is no healing without rest. At the same time, there is no rest without healing so facing the emotional traumas is a must. And so, I make space to hold. Wednesday morning, I will head to Sholom Park in Ocala with a dear friend. It will be a time for reflection. A time to honor Christina’s memory and to check in with my own grieving process. It has been five and a half years. It would be easy to take this process for granted. To be that frog in the ever hotter water. To flip the auto pilot switch on which – to be honest – I do much of the time at this point. However, grieving a child never ends and I must set aside time to reconnect with it. In the meantime, I treat myself with grace. I value my imperfection, my brokenness and I seek out people and environments who do the same.

Your sleep difficulties are probably not related to the loss of a child. However, I am willing to bet money (and I am not a gambler) that you have your own unique story of pain and longing that lurks beneath the surface of insomnia. Take the steps, yes, to develop a better bedtime routine but do not be fooled – attention must be paid to your emotional health so give some thought to how you will address that. Keep in mind that you may not remember the relevant factors right now. Just this morning, I remembered another crucial anniversary that is absolutely contributing to my exhaustion. One associated with much heartache. How the heck could I have forgotten that? I am a therapist…I specialize in these connections! So there you have it, none of us are immune to these dissociative habits that we develop to keep ourselves protected. The brain is an amazingly complex and tricky son of a gun. Venturing into its depths is not for the faint of heart and seriously not a journey to take alone! If you’re ready to get to the root of sleep difficulties…enlist a qualified wilderness guide. I promise it is one of the scariest, yet best decisions you’ll ever make!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Grief, Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Self Care, Sleep, Somatic

Living with chronic illness

January 9, 2017 by Andrea

It’s like having an uninvited house guest who contributes nothing, eats everything in the kitchen, occasionally damages the furniture and won’t leave despite all attempts to kick him out. Eventually, resignation sets in and you begin trying to figure out how you’re going to work around this vermin over the long-term.

A chronic illness diagnosis (cancer, diabetes, arthritis, to name a few examples) changes everything and what makes it a special kind of challenge is the complexity of the effects. Everything is connected to everything else and so it seems no matter how much time goes by, you continue to discover another area that is impacted by the diagnosis. Let’s break down the major categories:

Obviously, there are physical changes which come with the diagnosis. Those vary according to the specific illness. The consistent theme however, is the idea of limitation. Physically, your body just doesn’t perform in the way you are used to. Changes may be immediate or insidiously appear over time. Energy level is often greatly affected and thus motivation to accomplish what was normal for you in the past, wanes significantly. All of this leads to some form of identity crisis as our culture has so trained us to associate identity/worth with production. If I cannot function/produce at the level to which I am accustomed, what does that say about me? What makes me worthwhile?

Mentally – most chronic illnesses do impact brain functioning. At best, we may experience some mental ‘fogginess’. At worst, there may be physiological changes to the brain that result in difficulties with long and/or short-term memory or even personality change. Processing speed often declines and things like executive functioning may be challenged. It is difficult to determine which of these changes result from the illness itself and which are side effects of long-term medications.

Emotionally – the self-worth battle is a significant issue. As we lose major aspects of how we defined ourselves, we struggle to redefine and focus on what now makes us who we are. If we have always struggled with self-care, the idea of prioritizing self and doing what it takes to pursue health is a foreign concept. We may face spiritual crisis as we wrestle with the idea of a higher power that would allow this to happen. This current battle filters through the lens of all we have experienced. The meanings we have made of our childhood then, determine how we integrate this latest development. If those meanings are dysfunctional – managing a chronic illness becomes nearly impossible. One of my areas of special interest is the reciprocal nature of this domain. So many chronic illnesses have a correlation with unresolved emotional challenges. It is becoming clear from medical research that emotional trauma increases the rates of chronic illness. Thus, it makes sense that addressing emotional trauma would be a key component of preventing/treating chronic illness and that is one of my passions!

Socially – our loved ones struggle to adjust to the implications of our diagnosis. As we sort out the lifestyle changes needed to care for our condition, the aforementioned limitations; as we deal with our own changing self concept, we relate to everyone differently. If we are not aware of this, then we are not even able to help others figure out what is happening and thus, we collectively exist in a state of confusion and frustration. In the end, everyone is experiencing their own grieving process of the way things used to be and the envisioned future that now will not manifest as planned. Grieving is complicated (denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance). Imagine a system of individuals all working through that process at their own unique speeds in the context of their own functional and dysfunctional coping skills and core meanings. Is it any wonder that it gets messy?! Suffice it to say, relationships are absolutely impacted, yet very little attention is given to this area.

Unfortunately, most medical teams do not take the time to inform, much less address these complex issues. Too many patients muddle through their diagnosis, unaware of the developmental impact and what are very normal implications. Our default is to always seek status quo (remember learning about homeostasis in biology class?) and so the aftermath of a diagnosis often looks like a constant battle to return to our “normal” with increasing frustration at the inability to do so. The scary part is that all of this then exacerbates our illness, making our physical condition worse and creating a vicious cycle of decline.

My hope is that this information helps someone realize that they are not the problem. That the struggles they have been having are perfectly normal in the reality of a chronic illness and that there is hope! Knowledge is power and once we understand what we are dealing with, we can create and execute a plan of attack. Just as the doctor delivers information, prompts options in need of research, creates the physical treatment plan and monitors progress – so too can the counselor educate on the developmental impact of chronic illness, highlight areas for exploration, as well as create the emotional, mental and social treatment plan. Carefully working on self-worth and relationships within the context of physical limitations is key. Constantly monitoring self-care: sleep, nutrition and movement is a requirement. Completing the tasks of grieving is necessary for transitioning into a new normal: taking inventory and accepting the reality of your losses, working through the pain of loss, adjusting to the new environment created by the current reality and integrating the old self with the new self. The best part is that this work improves physical outcomes so despite the difficulty of the process, it is definitely worth it!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Chronic Illness, Coping Skills, Grief, Holistic health, Identity, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Self Care, Self Love, Somatic