Mind Body Connection Archives

Global Overload

May 31, 2022 by Andrea

Are you feeling out of sorts?

Does the word “tired” not quite capture the state you’ve been in for too long?

Are you finding that your old-reliable strategies aren’t working to boost your functioning?

In April, I wrote a post about rest. It was a recounting of strategies we had actually used to give ourselves the opportunity to recharge and be renewed. While we enjoyed some immediate benefits from those efforts, we quickly found ourselves depleted once again but not in the usual way. We are well familiar with all the symptoms and signs of burnout: anxiety, headaches, poor sleep, cynicism, etc. Those are not our experience. Instead, it has been this indescribable mental exhaustion that persists despite all of our diligence around sleep hygiene, gentle nutrition, movement and sabbath. We are committed to walking the talk, so we have been leaning into the strategies we teach our clients. While we are grateful to be doing fairly well overall, we fully recognized that we are not functioning optimally…we are regularly dipping into our reserves and at some point, would find our “account” overdrawn.

Does this sound familiar? Do you feel like you’re doing OK considering, but wonder how much longer you can coast on your reserves?

We have been discussing this for quite a few weeks because we see this happening with our clients and friends as well. When we stop and think, the reality is that the past two and a half years have been one sucker punch after another: raging fires, global protests, pandemic, climate change disasters, race-based traumas, political depravity, migration crises, supply chain failures, global war, inflation and the mass murder of children in our own country. Those are just the low lights…so much more is happening every.single.day. It is RELENTLESS and therein lies the problem.

The brain’s number one job is survival and a main component of that is scanning for and responding to threat. Our brains have been in perpetual response mode since March of 2020. Every single person in our world has daily faced some level of threat – whether from health concerns, financial instability, race-based stressors, or potential violence. Not only that, but many of us are living with a high level of uncertainty regarding the future which can feel threatening in and of itself. For those of us who own our own businesses, the usual marketing strategies are no longer effective, learning the details of social media content is a full time job, shortages and inflation make it impossible to plan and execute both in the short term and certainly in the long term. All of this requires the brain to activate and maintain response systems that were never meant to stay online long term, yet here we are…still having to pump out cortisol and stay vigilant over 700 days later, each day awakening to a fresh reminder of just how unstable our world has become.

This is not sustainable.

Feeling unsafe or “untethered” as I call it taps into so many soul triggers. Depending on our life stories, we struggle with the lack of control, lack of connection, and crumbling foundations we have previously rested upon. We may find ourselves having to re-establish our safe base: that person, place or thing we rely on to ground us. We are having to develop more intensive strategies for soothing our inner child, giving voice to our adolescent selves, and silencing our critical voice. How do we build up a loving adult self who faces life with wisdom, courage and confidence when the world is metaphorically on fire around us?

Personally, we have had to lean in to our spirituality in unprecedented ways! Faith, hope and love take on earthier, more intense and tangible meanings when they are the only steadfast factors left. One thing that has struck us in our scripture study is the extended period of time that civilizations would endure turmoil. Over and over in the Old Testament, we see invaders or evil kings wreaking havoc for years and years – it wasn’t unusual for trials to go on for 40 years! In modern times, we are trained to expect things to resolve in a few weeks, if not days. Psychologically, we haven’t had to build the mental and spiritual muscles it takes to find internal stability in the midst of prolonged chaos. That is where we have decided to focus our efforts. While it may not be comforting to read stories of long-term tribulations in the bible or any history book, I do take comfort in the fact that humanity has overcome so much and God has sustained and redeemed far worse than we are seeing today.

There is one significant difference for modern times however, that we must take into account. It was summarized well by Nadia Bolz-Weber last year:

It is this insight that informs our next step in the process of establishing internal stability: disconnecting from the global chaos and focusing solely on our village. Beginning on June 1st, Justin and I will be working to remove ourselves from the fray for a season. We are not sure how long is needed. We are not sure what the disconnect looks like exactly. What we do know is that it begins with logging out of phone apps and minimizing time on electronics. What that looks like to our audience is quiet on our platforms: Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, blog, etc. Thankfully, we’ve built up a LOT of content in the past two years so there’s plenty there for you to check out and benefit from.

As psychotherapists, it is our responsibility to lead the way when it comes to mental, emotional and spiritual health so we are committed to doing the work of building the muscles needed to face the current task. This gives us more to offer in our sessions with clients and as we figure out how to reconnect, we will share what we have learned. It is our hope that this post sparks your own thoughts about reasonable expectations for yourself and what steps you need to take to thrive in this marathon we didn’t sign up for. Give yourself grace and compassion – wherever you are emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually. We were not built for all of this so extreme measures will be required to move through it well.

Stay tuned…

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health, Mind-Body Tagged With: Coping Skills, Leadership, Mind Body Connection, Self Care, Spirituality

Rest times seven

April 5, 2022 by Andrea

Isn’t rest simply sitting still or sleeping?

Have you found yourself sleeping or being still a lot but feeling more exhausted than ever?

Maybe the rest you’re getting isn’t the kind of rest you need!

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am fascinated with the biblical significance of numbers. It is well known by many in the Christian faith that the number seven represents completeness and perfection. Couple that factor with our recent focus on the body/soul/spirit depletion rampant in our society right now and it makes sense why the IG post shown here grabbed my attention!

The timing was perfect as we had decided, only days prior, to take some time off and I was in the midst of trying to plan that week away to be most replenishing. From the other side of that week off, I want to share how I used this information in hopes that practical examples help you apply this insight to your own life…

Step One: Make the decision to stop. No matter what kind of rest we will discuss – all of it requires that we stop what we are doing. As a small business owner, that is particularly difficult because we do not have a guaranteed salary. If we aren’t seeing clients, we are not earning income. With recent financial punches fresh in our memories, it didn’t seem possible to step away for a week but we knew that if we failed to walk our talk, not only would we pay a price far greater than money but our clients would be negatively affected as well. We’re not advocating reckless abandon. We simply know that we must count every cost: health, sanity, relational and functional – not just financial.

Step Two: Planning. What I am about to share did not happen automatically. I was already working on the details of our time off but when I saw this post, I ran with it to help ensure that our time would generate maximum benefit.

Physical – I chose several restorative yoga moves shown to address exhaustion and began with a 20 minute Savasana on the eve of our first day off. I slept in that next day and made it my goal to stay in bed as much as possible all day. I had already planned out my nutrition for the day so it was easy for me to get my meals and go back to lying down. I ended the night with a full yoga practice and for the rest of the week, I ended each day with an extended restorative pose before getting into bed on time.

Mental – I logged out of all my social media accounts so that I could give my brain a break from all that is wrong with the world. I committed one day to completing work tasks that had been plaguing me undone for weeks. I picked up books I haven’t had time to read – giving me a chance to enjoy learning new concepts for my work as well as diving into fiction I love. Throughout the week, I tuned into the playlists I already have. During my nightly restorative pose, I used a beautiful bilateral worship music album. Bilateral techniques are used to help heal our brains that have been wounded by the stresses and trauma of life.

Emotional – If you’ve followed us for any length of time, you know that we talk about grieving a lot. It is a vital component of our response to the challenges and changes of life, but is a process we are not typically taught how to move through. We made a commitment during this week off to utilize the same strategies that we teach our clients – focusing on the losses of the past two years. Since Justin and I spent this time together, we were able to process our experiences with each other. Another option is to schedule time with a friend, therapist or mentor who holds space well for your thoughts and feelings.

Social – The goal here is balance. If you spend a majority of your time alone, then rest would entail spending more time around life-giving others. As therapists, we spend the majority of our time interacting with others so we chose to spend our time alone. Even as a couple, we spent a good bit of our week off in separate areas of the house.

Creative – I regularly keep an art journal so creativity and play is already an important part of my life. I had grand plans for painting one of the many blank canvases I have piled up but I ended up just coloring in pages with my watercolor brush pens. It was about play, not creative productivity.

Spiritual – We chose to spend a couple of days at St Leo Abbey which turned out to be the best decision of our time off. Staying in their guest house places you in an atmosphere of quiet reflection. We took the option of joining a couple of their prayer services where the Benedictine monks sing the psalms as prayers and ate meals with the brothers who live there. This is where we leaned in to our grief work, making it a painful but deeply healing time. Being away from home allowed us to truly focus internally and connect with God in ways we struggle to do in the every day. The Abbey also has beautiful grounds on which to wander and commune with nature.

Sensory – It is amazing how logging off all the “apps” automatically creates quiet. I log out of everything on my phone because it is such an ingrained habit to tap on icons. When I take this automatic action, I am faced with login prompts which immediately remind me, “I’m not doing this right now”. Each time this happened, it was a reminder to simply sit in quiet and ask myself what I was looking for. What do I need in this moment? We also spent a quiet day in what I call our “happy place” – Bok Tower Gardens. We have a membership which makes it an easy decision to go. This membership also gives us free or significantly discounted access to gardens and museums around the country.

Did this week solve all of our problems and give us endless energy? No. The world, with all it’s ills, was there all along but we return to our work with mental, emotional and physical energy restored. Our warning lights had come on and now we are able to get back on the road without alarm bells ringing. We will take what we’ve learned about rest, forward into better management of ourselves as well as into our work with clients.

Hopefully, these thoughts give you ideas for identifying the type of rest you actually need and ways in which you can access it. You don’t have to take a week – start small…even five minutes dedicated to a specific type of rest is a gift your body, soul and spirit will benefit from!

Filed Under: Emotional Health, Mental Health, Mind-Body Tagged With: Coping Skills, Grief, Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Retreats, Self Care, Sleep, Spirituality

Weary

February 28, 2017 by Andrea

If you read last week’s post, you know that sleep has been an “issue” for me lately. Generally speaking, exhaustion has been my constant companion. At first, I chalked this up to the aforementioned backsliding on sleep hygiene. But…in my heart I knew there was more to the story. There always is.

There is a popular metaphor about the frog in boiling water. The story goes that if you put a frog in a pot of cold water, set it on the stove and turn on the heat…the frog will stay in the water as it continues to get hotter. Apparently, the gradual rise in temperature is not something it notices and eventually, it will literally boil without ever jumping from the pot as it is free to do. Now, let’s put aside the very reasonable question of who discovered this awful truth and why. The point is, it illustrates how we can get so normed to dysfunction or negative circumstances/emotions that we remain oblivious to its dangers.

As I pondered this season of exhaustion and wondered what in the world was wrong with me, I realized that my daughter’s birthday is March 2nd. Those who know me, realize exactly what that means. Words cannot describe how much that little girl was the center of my world and what trauma it meant to lose her 22 years in. How could my body not remember the process of giving life to this central figure? How could it not mourn the absence of whom it had birthed? You see…that’s the thing. The body remembers. Often, when sleep is elusive, it is absolutely connected to emotional traumas. What that means is that sleep hygiene becomes even more important as a means of tender loving care for these wounds. There is no healing without rest. At the same time, there is no rest without healing so facing the emotional traumas is a must. And so, I make space to hold. Wednesday morning, I will head to Sholom Park in Ocala with a dear friend. It will be a time for reflection. A time to honor Christina’s memory and to check in with my own grieving process. It has been five and a half years. It would be easy to take this process for granted. To be that frog in the ever hotter water. To flip the auto pilot switch on which – to be honest – I do much of the time at this point. However, grieving a child never ends and I must set aside time to reconnect with it. In the meantime, I treat myself with grace. I value my imperfection, my brokenness and I seek out people and environments who do the same.

Your sleep difficulties are probably not related to the loss of a child. However, I am willing to bet money (and I am not a gambler) that you have your own unique story of pain and longing that lurks beneath the surface of insomnia. Take the steps, yes, to develop a better bedtime routine but do not be fooled – attention must be paid to your emotional health so give some thought to how you will address that. Keep in mind that you may not remember the relevant factors right now. Just this morning, I remembered another crucial anniversary that is absolutely contributing to my exhaustion. One associated with much heartache. How the heck could I have forgotten that? I am a therapist…I specialize in these connections! So there you have it, none of us are immune to these dissociative habits that we develop to keep ourselves protected. The brain is an amazingly complex and tricky son of a gun. Venturing into its depths is not for the faint of heart and seriously not a journey to take alone! If you’re ready to get to the root of sleep difficulties…enlist a qualified wilderness guide. I promise it is one of the scariest, yet best decisions you’ll ever make!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Grief, Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Self Care, Sleep, Somatic

Living with chronic illness

January 9, 2017 by Andrea

It’s like having an uninvited house guest who contributes nothing, eats everything in the kitchen, occasionally damages the furniture and won’t leave despite all attempts to kick him out. Eventually, resignation sets in and you begin trying to figure out how you’re going to work around this vermin over the long-term.

A chronic illness diagnosis (cancer, diabetes, arthritis, to name a few examples) changes everything and what makes it a special kind of challenge is the complexity of the effects. Everything is connected to everything else and so it seems no matter how much time goes by, you continue to discover another area that is impacted by the diagnosis. Let’s break down the major categories:

Obviously, there are physical changes which come with the diagnosis. Those vary according to the specific illness. The consistent theme however, is the idea of limitation. Physically, your body just doesn’t perform in the way you are used to. Changes may be immediate or insidiously appear over time. Energy level is often greatly affected and thus motivation to accomplish what was normal for you in the past, wanes significantly. All of this leads to some form of identity crisis as our culture has so trained us to associate identity/worth with production. If I cannot function/produce at the level to which I am accustomed, what does that say about me? What makes me worthwhile?

Mentally – most chronic illnesses do impact brain functioning. At best, we may experience some mental ‘fogginess’. At worst, there may be physiological changes to the brain that result in difficulties with long and/or short-term memory or even personality change. Processing speed often declines and things like executive functioning may be challenged. It is difficult to determine which of these changes result from the illness itself and which are side effects of long-term medications.

Emotionally – the self-worth battle is a significant issue. As we lose major aspects of how we defined ourselves, we struggle to redefine and focus on what now makes us who we are. If we have always struggled with self-care, the idea of prioritizing self and doing what it takes to pursue health is a foreign concept. We may face spiritual crisis as we wrestle with the idea of a higher power that would allow this to happen. This current battle filters through the lens of all we have experienced. The meanings we have made of our childhood then, determine how we integrate this latest development. If those meanings are dysfunctional – managing a chronic illness becomes nearly impossible. One of my areas of special interest is the reciprocal nature of this domain. So many chronic illnesses have a correlation with unresolved emotional challenges. It is becoming clear from medical research that emotional trauma increases the rates of chronic illness. Thus, it makes sense that addressing emotional trauma would be a key component of preventing/treating chronic illness and that is one of my passions!

Socially – our loved ones struggle to adjust to the implications of our diagnosis. As we sort out the lifestyle changes needed to care for our condition, the aforementioned limitations; as we deal with our own changing self concept, we relate to everyone differently. If we are not aware of this, then we are not even able to help others figure out what is happening and thus, we collectively exist in a state of confusion and frustration. In the end, everyone is experiencing their own grieving process of the way things used to be and the envisioned future that now will not manifest as planned. Grieving is complicated (denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance). Imagine a system of individuals all working through that process at their own unique speeds in the context of their own functional and dysfunctional coping skills and core meanings. Is it any wonder that it gets messy?! Suffice it to say, relationships are absolutely impacted, yet very little attention is given to this area.

Unfortunately, most medical teams do not take the time to inform, much less address these complex issues. Too many patients muddle through their diagnosis, unaware of the developmental impact and what are very normal implications. Our default is to always seek status quo (remember learning about homeostasis in biology class?) and so the aftermath of a diagnosis often looks like a constant battle to return to our “normal” with increasing frustration at the inability to do so. The scary part is that all of this then exacerbates our illness, making our physical condition worse and creating a vicious cycle of decline.

My hope is that this information helps someone realize that they are not the problem. That the struggles they have been having are perfectly normal in the reality of a chronic illness and that there is hope! Knowledge is power and once we understand what we are dealing with, we can create and execute a plan of attack. Just as the doctor delivers information, prompts options in need of research, creates the physical treatment plan and monitors progress – so too can the counselor educate on the developmental impact of chronic illness, highlight areas for exploration, as well as create the emotional, mental and social treatment plan. Carefully working on self-worth and relationships within the context of physical limitations is key. Constantly monitoring self-care: sleep, nutrition and movement is a requirement. Completing the tasks of grieving is necessary for transitioning into a new normal: taking inventory and accepting the reality of your losses, working through the pain of loss, adjusting to the new environment created by the current reality and integrating the old self with the new self. The best part is that this work improves physical outcomes so despite the difficulty of the process, it is definitely worth it!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Chronic Illness, Coping Skills, Grief, Holistic health, Identity, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Self Care, Self Love, Somatic

Heart, Mind, Body and Soul

August 7, 2016 by Andrea

In late 2013, my body staged a full mutiny against me. After a lifetime of significant emotional stress, capped off by the loss of my daughter, my body had enough and decided it was no longer going to be “business as usual”. Cognitively, I understood the connection between emotional and physical health. Over the years, I had done my fair share of self-care in terms of addressing nutrition, exercise, connecting with others and even seeking counseling. However, it had never been at the level commensurate with what I was actually dealing with. I tend to focus on the good and what I have to get done so much of my methodology involved “keeping it moving”. Maybe you can relate? Especially when you’re a parent, it’s easy to convince yourself that there is no time to live life at the depth that holistic health requires.

By January of 2014, I had to make some drastic decisions and I declared the new year – one of recovery. I made those doctor’s appointments, scheduled procedures, exited a whole lot of commitments, re-entered therapy and pursued a more consistently healthy lifestyle. Who I am today is so very different and I am grateful! Don’t get me wrong…it is scary to upend your life, to attend to those things under the surface. It is a painful process to face the things which need to be grieved, and new insight causes us to re-evaluate all that has come before….not always with the kindest vision. Oh, but how it has all been worth it! In the process, I’ve explored this mind/body connection even more and solidified my understanding of just how much the body cannot be fooled. It will assert itself no matter what.

It is this experience which drives my work – both in the classroom and in the therapist chair. My area of expertise is the emotional, social and mental worlds. I am not a doctor or a pastor but I can ask the questions that help us look at all the connections. I can dive in to the deep waters of trauma, relational damage and the mind tricks we all play while monitoring their effect on our physical and spiritual health. It’s a complicated journey and one I’ve become convinced we cannot do alone. I have found my guides and I love giving back the same. If this topic interests you…contact us to express your interest in a workshop – we plan our events based on what the public requests.

I would love to hear what others have learned along the way in this regard. How have these mind/heart/body/soul connections manifested for you?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Somatic, Trauma, Workshop