Andrea, Author at Andrea Tackore

Self Care 2.0

August 28, 2016 by Andrea

This is the second in a series on the topic. Return to the first post here…

Once we are aware that perhaps we don’t love ourselves as well as we would like, we may be inspired to launch some sort of campaign to address the issue. What does it take to do that successfully? We’ve already discerned that good intentions don’t get us far. Detailed plans and schedules never last. I believe there are two foundational pieces that must be in place for transformation to occur in this area.

First, we must recognize our need for an “other” on the journey. We cannot do this transformation process alone. This may be a highly uncomfortable truth to accept. Think about it…if we are struggling to love ourselves, how can we possibly trust that anyone else would love us enough to walk this difficult journey with us? Oh, the irony! Yet – we need to face this challenge head on. We cannot see the forest for the trees. We require an “other” to provide an objective mirror to our processing, one who can hold with stability – all the emotions, history, pain and turmoil that will be unearthed as we dig in to whatever blocks the love of self. A counselor is an obvious choice but some of us are blessed with people in our lives who can play this role. It’s a rare commodity though because this “other” cannot have any potential consequences to your transformation (if they are to be objective), so keep that in mind when you choose your wilderness guide.

Second, we must have a realistic recognition of our present limitations. Remember those indicators we discussed last time that would help us determine if there is a problem? Well – those very indicators typically correlate well with an overfull life. One which has little room for the transformative process that is so desperately needed. Thus, we and our guide will have to formulate a pacing and process that honors our present reality and its attendant limitations. This may mean that the process is painfully slow but slow and steady wins the race. You may need to establish the most basic of self care efforts to begin. You may only be able to attend therapy twice a month, or even once a month. You may be unable to make any meaningful changes in your life until you first work through the inner turmoil. Sometimes, the chaos in our lives requires some sort of jump start if we are ever going to turn the ship around. This is where a therapeutic retreat may be the answer. There is no substitute for completely disconnecting from our worlds for a period of time to focus on the healing that benefits not only ourselves, but those in our world.

Regardless of the road you take, these two cornerstones must be in place and then the work begins. A little window into what that work entails will be our next discussion.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Counseling, Psychotherapy, Retreats, Self Care, Self Love

Self Care

August 22, 2016 by Andrea

This is the first of a series on the topic…

Don’t worry – I won’t bore you with the usual lecture on why self care is important. I am also fully aware that you could probably recite to me an impressive list of self care tasks that you ought to be doing. The million dollar question is: despite knowing these things, why are we doing such a terrible job of self care? We make grand plans but our efforts seem to go off the rails eventually.

I believe the answer is something a colleague of mine discussed with me last year. Self care is simply a manifestation of the core issue: self love. If we do not genuinely love ourselves, we will not have the true motivation to follow through on self care plans. Many of us may bristle at this idea, insisting that we do love ourselves. So how do we know if we are fooling ourselves? What’s the evidence? I believe there are a number of indicators we can explore:

Our relationships are unsatisfying. Does it seem that you give all the time and everyone around you simply takes? Is there a pattern of behaviors that you are not happy with but they have continued for years despite your protests? Our loved ones learn how to love us based on how we love ourselves. They take their cues subconsciously from our example so if we don’t like what we see in our relationships, we need to step back and take a look at ourselves.
Our physical health is suffering. When we do not love and value ourselves, that lack is internalized physiologically and manifests as legitimate health problems.
Our emotional health is poor. Anxiety and depression are often symptoms of a lack of self love. If we do not genuinely value ourselves, we are forever at the mercy of what we can get from others. While we need relationships, when our self worth comes solely from human relationships, we are in a perfect setup for emotional dysfunction.
Our automatic thoughts are unkind. We all have that running commentary in our heads. Stop and take notice of how you talk to yourself. Would you say those same things to a loved one?

Awareness is the first step on this journey and it is not unusual for clients to come in with one presenting problem, yet realize that their issues have an underlying source which must be addressed. In our next post, we will take a look at the foundational principles that must be honored for a successful dive into these deeper waters.

If this discussion intrigues you – reach out to us! We are always forming therapy groups and this is a popular topic.

Find part two here…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Group Therapy, Self Care, Self Love

Leadership Calling

August 14, 2016 by Andrea

Last week, I attended the Global Leadership Summit put on by Willow Creek Association. It has been an annual tradition for several years now as I have a passion for leadership. When I started attending, I was the Director of the largest department in the Student Development division of the university where I worked. That first experience was such a tank filler and I’ve been hooked ever since. With responsibility for six staff members…all strong and diverse personalities – each handling the tasks of what would be an entire department at other schools, I often referred to my job as “herding cats”. I saw my main role as equipping/empowering my staff to do the difficult work cut out for them as well as fostering relationships across the campus needed for my team to accomplish their mission: facilitating student success. It was an exhausting position but I loved my work and more importantly, I loved my staff. The founder of the Summit – Bill Hybels said “Everybody wins when a leader gets better”. He has said it every year since and I absolutely believe that is true! I knew that any effort I made to understand myself better, to hone my skills and to gain insight into the sacrificial work of leadership would pay off mightily for my staff.

I have not been responsible for a staff since I started teaching in 2012. In some ways, I miss the nurturing aspect of leadership….the joy of investing in the growth of my staff. However, I now have 100+ students I get to lead (in our program) and so I continue to attend the GLS.

As I reflected on the many insights gained at this year’s event, one stood out as the most affirming and inspiring: In his opening talk, Bill Hybels stated that today’s workers are coming from largely dysfunctional homes/backgrounds but as leaders, we have the opportunity to rewrite their story line in how we lead and love them well. That really struck a chord with me. I suppose that’s because as a therapist, this is how I work with clients. I understand that the relationship I build with the client is the main channel through which healing flows. I had never really thought of it in that way though, when it came to those who work for me or study under my tutelage. My hope is to build Phenix into an organization in which other therapists will thrive and grow. I am already investing in that future. I quickly realized that my investment is rewriting the storyline and that was an amazing feeling!

Isn’t this a wonderful (yet terrifying) concept?! How we lead can positively change the trajectory of a person’s life forever. Or, we can reinforce the dysfunctions they have come to know. We get to offer redemption by crafting a healthy organizational culture. One fueled by love, vision, passion and purpose. This gives a whole new spin to the meaning of leadership. It is a high calling. May I say, even sacred? I don’t know about you, but this is the kind of leader I want to be and I am excited to help other leaders in that quest as well!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Corporate Culture, Executive Coaching, Leadership, Organizational Culture

Heart, Mind, Body and Soul

August 7, 2016 by Andrea

In late 2013, my body staged a full mutiny against me. After a lifetime of significant emotional stress, capped off by the loss of my daughter, my body had enough and decided it was no longer going to be “business as usual”. Cognitively, I understood the connection between emotional and physical health. Over the years, I had done my fair share of self-care in terms of addressing nutrition, exercise, connecting with others and even seeking counseling. However, it had never been at the level commensurate with what I was actually dealing with. I tend to focus on the good and what I have to get done so much of my methodology involved “keeping it moving”. Maybe you can relate? Especially when you’re a parent, it’s easy to convince yourself that there is no time to live life at the depth that holistic health requires.

By January of 2014, I had to make some drastic decisions and I declared the new year – one of recovery. I made those doctor’s appointments, scheduled procedures, exited a whole lot of commitments, re-entered therapy and pursued a more consistently healthy lifestyle. Who I am today is so very different and I am grateful! Don’t get me wrong…it is scary to upend your life, to attend to those things under the surface. It is a painful process to face the things which need to be grieved, and new insight causes us to re-evaluate all that has come before….not always with the kindest vision. Oh, but how it has all been worth it! In the process, I’ve explored this mind/body connection even more and solidified my understanding of just how much the body cannot be fooled. It will assert itself no matter what.

It is this experience which drives my work – both in the classroom and in the therapist chair. My area of expertise is the emotional, social and mental worlds. I am not a doctor or a pastor but I can ask the questions that help us look at all the connections. I can dive in to the deep waters of trauma, relational damage and the mind tricks we all play while monitoring their effect on our physical and spiritual health. It’s a complicated journey and one I’ve become convinced we cannot do alone. I have found my guides and I love giving back the same. If this topic interests you…contact us to express your interest in a workshop – we plan our events based on what the public requests.

I would love to hear what others have learned along the way in this regard. How have these mind/heart/body/soul connections manifested for you?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Holistic health, Mind Body Connection, Psychotherapy, Somatic, Trauma, Workshop

A Beautiful Risk

July 28, 2016 by Andrea

I started teaching in a counseling program because I heard so many stories from clients of woefully inadequate therapy they had received in the past. It boggled my mind to realize how many counselors existed who would only scratch the surface of a person’s pain, then retreat to strategies and interventions designed to band-aid the problem and provide solutions that looked good but didn’t last. I decided that I could do more good by facilitating the development of master therapists who would go on to impact infinitely more lives than I could alone.

In six years of teaching, I have come to realize the key to that goal: we must be willing to dive in to the painful self examination of our own wounds before we seek to sit with the pain of others. In that time frame, life has brought a collection of traumas but also an abundance of fellow travelers, as well as knowledge that has served to shape and mold me into a very different person than I was when I closed my private practice back in 2008 to start a PhD program. Even the world around me has opened up to this idea of vulnerability with researchers like Brene Brown carrying the message to the masses.

Three years ago, I began to consider the idea of going back into practice – the focus being on providing intensive therapy retreats for women. Over time though, it became obvious that the calling was broader – to provide that rare sacred space where men and women can completely deconstruct and build a self/life which reflects who they were truly created to be! The cool thing is that returning to this work will benefit my students as I lead from a place of current experience.

I want to offer hope. I want to challenge people to risk vulnerability with someone who has been there. I know there are individuals out there who are tired of living at the surface. They have a desire to dig deeper and they are willing to invest the time and resources in the journey. I’m here and ready to take that beautiful risk with them.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Counseling, Foundations, Hope, Therapy