Leadership Calling

Leadership Calling

Last week, I attended the Global Leadership Summit put on by Willow Creek Association.  It has been an annual tradition for several years now as I have a passion for leadership.  When I started attending, I was the Director of the largest department in the Student Development division of the university where I worked.  That first experience was such a tank filler and I’ve been hooked ever since.  With responsibility for six staff members…all strong and diverse personalities – each handling the tasks of what would be an entire department at other schools, I often referred to my job as “herding cats”.  I saw my main role as equipping/empowering my staff to do the difficult work cut out for them as well as fostering relationships across the campus needed for my team to accomplish their mission: facilitating student success.  It was an exhausting position but I loved my work and more importantly, I loved my staff.  The founder of the Summit – Bill Hybels said “Everybody wins when a leader gets better”.  He has said it every year since and I absolutely believe that is true!  I knew that any effort I made to understand myself better, to hone my skills and to gain insight into the sacrificial work of leadership would pay off mightily for my staff.

I have not been responsible for a staff since I started teaching in 2012.  In some ways, I miss the nurturing aspect of leadership….the joy of investing in the growth of my staff.  However, I now have 100+ students I get to lead (in our program) and so I continue to attend the GLS.

As I reflected on the many insights gained at this year’s event, one stood out as the most affirming and inspiring:  In his opening talk, Bill Hybels stated that today’s workers are coming from largely dysfunctional homes/backgrounds but as leaders, we have the opportunity to rewrite their story line in how we lead and love them well.  That really struck a chord with me.  I suppose that’s because as a therapist, this is how I work with clients.  I understand that the relationship I build with the client is the main channel through which healing flows.  I had never really thought of it in that way though, when it came to those who work for me or study under my tutelage.  My hope is to build Phenix into an organization in which other therapists will thrive and grow.  I am already investing in that future.  I quickly realized that my investment is rewriting the storyline and that was an amazing feeling!

Isn’t this a wonderful (yet terrifying) concept?!  How we lead can positively change the trajectory of a person’s life forever.  Or, we can reinforce the dysfunctions they have come to know.  We get to offer redemption by crafting a healthy organizational culture.  One fueled by love, vision, passion and purpose.  This gives a whole new spin to the meaning of leadership.  It is a high calling.  May I say, even sacred?  I don’t know about you, but this is the kind of leader I want to be and I am excited to help other leaders in that quest as well!

Heart, Mind, Body and Soul

In late 2013, my body staged a full mutiny against me.  After a lifetime of significant emotional stress, capped off by the loss of my daughter, my body had enough and decided it was no longer going to be “business as usual”.  Cognitively, I understood the connection between emotional and physical health.  Over the years, I had done my fair share of self-care in terms of addressing nutrition, exercise, connecting with others and even seeking counseling.  However, it had never been at the level commensurate with what I was actually dealing with.  I tend to focus on the good and what I have to get done so much of my methodology involved “keeping it moving”.  Maybe you can relate?  Especially when you’re a parent, it’s easy to convince yourself that there is no time to live life at the depth that holistic health requires.

By January of 2014, I had to make some drastic decisions and I declared the new year – one of recovery.  I made those doctor’s appointments, scheduled procedures, exited a whole lot of commitments, re-entered therapy and pursued a more consistently healthy lifestyle.  Who I am today is so very different and I am grateful!  Don’t get me wrong…it is scary to upend your life, to attend to those things under the surface.  It is a painful process to face the things which need to be grieved, and new insight causes us to re-evaluate all that has come before….not always with the kindest vision.  Oh, but how it has all been worth it!  In the process, I’ve explored this mind/body connection even more and solidified my understanding of just how much the body cannot be fooled.  It will assert itself no matter what.

It is this experience which drives my work – both in the classroom and in the therapist chair.  My area of expertise is the emotional, social and mental worlds.  I am not a doctor or a pastor but I can ask the questions that help us look at all the connections.  I can dive in to the deep waters of trauma, relational damage and the mind tricks we all play while monitoring their effect on our physical and spiritual health.  It’s a complicated journey and one I’ve become convinced we cannot do alone.  I have found my guides and I love giving back the same.  If this topic interests you…contact us to express your interest in a workshop – we plan our events based on what the public requests.

I would love to hear what others have learned along the way in this regard.  How have these mind/heart/body/soul connections manifested for you?  

A Beautiful Risk

 

I started teaching in a counseling program because I heard so many stories from clients of woefully inadequate therapy they had received in the past.  It boggled my mind to realize how many counselors existed who would only scratch the surface of a person’s pain, then retreat to strategies and interventions designed to band-aid the problem and provide solutions that looked good but didn’t last.  I decided that I could do more good by facilitating the development of master therapists who would go on to impact infinitely more lives than I could alone.

In six years of teaching, I have come to realize the key to that goal: we must be willing to dive in to the painful self examination of our own wounds before we seek to sit with the pain of others.  In that time frame, life has brought a collection of traumas but also an abundance of fellow travelers, as well as knowledge that has served to shape and mold me into a very different person than I was when I closed my private practice back in 2008 to start a PhD program.  Even the world around me has opened up to this idea of vulnerability with researchers like Brene Brown carrying the message to the masses.

Three years ago, I began to consider the idea of going back into practice – the focus being on providing intensive therapy retreats for women.  Over time though, it became obvious that the calling was broader – to provide that rare sacred space where men and women can completely deconstruct and build a self/life which reflects who they were truly created to be!  The cool thing is that returning to this work will benefit my students as I lead from a place of current experience.

I want to offer hope.  I want to challenge people to risk vulnerability with someone who has been there.  I know there are individuals out there who are tired of living at the surface.  They have a desire to dig deeper and they are willing to invest the time and resources in the journey.  I’m here and ready to take that beautiful risk with them.